(((Windblown))) - I've been where you are. I was so wrapped up in taking care of "him" that I turned to drugs and became an addict.
I got clean, but it was totally white-knuckling it. I started back to "dabbling" in my DOC - crack. I ended up relasping, and my XABF#3 (yeah, slow learner) told me that it didn't matter if I lost my car (my first effort at regaining my life) and that I could make enough money to support us (prositution). It was then that I truly felt "enough is enough".
I chose recovery, and that meant my "codie" recovery as well as my "addiction" recvovery. I had busted my a$$ to get a car and a job. I lost the job I had, but because I was such a good employee (while being in a diversion center, with a lot of restriction), I was allowed to work at another restaurant.
I clung to SR and I worked my recovery. My XABF#3 died...he was too busy smoking the crack pipe to be checked out and died of pneumonia.
I couldn't fix him, nor the other two XABF's. One is married to someone who is more of a doormat than I was, the other? I don't know. He'd had 2 heart attacks due to crack, and was still out there.
Remove yourself from his actions. Let him deal with his own concequences. If it weren't for the family/friends who let me know "I'm done, I can't fix you", I wouldn't be in recovery. It doesn't always work, but I know that I did the best I could do with my XABF#3. Yes, he died, but it wasn't MY fault, it was his addiction taking over, and that's always a possibility. It sucks, but it's reality. I should have died many times, but HP had other plans.
We can't change or cure an addict. The best we can do is take care of ourselves.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy