Welcome to the family drowning. I'm so sorry for your pain. I, too, have tried using alcohol to soothe my anxiety & lessen my misery. It never worked for more than a short time, and then there was always a terrible price to pay. Thankfully, you're realizing that now - good for you. I went on for many years trying to anesthetize myself against reality. The only way to help ourselves is to go through these emotional times without a buffer - then we can heal, grow, and move on.
We're here to see you through this time - we've all been there. You're not alone anymore.