Enpointe. The thing I love about sobriety is mental freedom. I am free of the struggle and torment. Even though when I stopped drinking 11 months ago I was working in a professional capacity most of my background thinking was about alcohol and my relationship with alcohol.
I found the only way forward despite my dread, an abject fear of a life without alcohol, was to surrender unconditionally to whatever came after drinking. Once I had decided that and had a few days sobriety and logged on here things began to improve.
I had danced around the issue for a decade before getting to that point.
All alcoholics who do something productive seem to think of themselves as 'high functioning'. I have come to accept that alcohol is not a performance enhancing drug.
Wishing you the peace you deserve.