my dear god...what kind of system are you trapped in!!
I admire your courage and strength to survive in such a cagey situation...keep doing what you're doing...SR, therapist, skip HIS NA and find some support for yourself in a a naranon or al anon...
great work on the realtor and annulment...it sounds like you have made a decision for movement toward freedom for your spirit.
you are so not alone...you are taking action to bring yourself into the sunlight of the spirit where many who are in recovery are alive and well.
like you said the alternative you see is 30-40 years more of confusion, blame, deflection...etc, etc, etc, the character accompaniments of addiction
keep posting!