Loneywife

I hit rock bottom for myself about two weeks ago. I saw the things that were going on in my life and I was finally like ENOUGH! I can't deal with this reality for the next 30-40 years. I'm trying to meet with a realtor for apartments so I can move out of the house, and an attorney later this week for an annulment.

AH was high again Friday night, and I needed to leave the house immediately because I felt that I was in danger. I went to my parents house for the evening. I discussed a few of my concerns about AH and they seemed to be supportive until the morning, when they turned it around on me.

AH, his parents and my parents are doing everything in their power to reverse my decision. AH and I went to two NA meetings over the weekend, to appease me. My parents are marginalizing his addiction and have met with my husband without my knowledge to tell him that I am the one with the addiction problem. My parents have called my in laws to "discuss the situation" and have also attempted to appease me by clarifying the financial situation with AH, again to appease me.

My therapist at the moment is the only one supporting me in my decision. I'm sorry I needed to vent about how frustrating it is for me now.

suki44883

Of course they want you to reverse your decision. THEY don't have to live with him. Maybe if he spent a couple of months living with them they would see how miserable it is.

I hope you will hold fast to your decision. If your AH wants to get sober, he can do that without you having to witness it all from a front row seat. Make him PROVE that he is willing to do whatever is necessary, and make him do it for at least a year, continuously with NO slips. At that point, if you still feel anything for him, you can consider giving things another go. In the meantime, you NEED time away from the chaos. You will be amazed at how soon you will start to see just how sick the situation was and will be very glad you are no longer in the dead center of it.

lesliej

my dear god...what kind of system are you trapped in!!

I admire your courage and strength to survive in such a cagey situation...keep doing what you're doing...SR, therapist, skip HIS NA and find some support for yourself in a a naranon or al anon...

great work on the realtor and annulment...it sounds like you have made a decision for movement toward freedom for your spirit.

you are so not alone...you are taking action to bring yourself into the sunlight of the spirit where many who are in recovery are alive and well.

like you said the alternative you see is 30-40 years more of confusion, blame, deflection...etc, etc, etc, the character accompaniments of addiction

keep posting!

GoldfishSyn

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like the parents are in denial. If they only learned about the addiction recently, it could take them some time to get through this. It sounds like you know what you need to do. I'm sure that if you go ahead and do it everyone will see a change in you. A happier, stronger person will emerge. And anyone who loves you will be happy for you because you are happy.

outtolunch

They have no power over you and your decisions no different than how you have no power over them and their decisions. You can't will, love or support him sober and into recovery.

Maybe the parents could share physical custody of your husband.

cc88

please dont let anyone talk you out of your decision.

Loneywife

Thank you all for your affirming posts. I do have two home nar anon groups that I attend weekly (one is tonight).

I have suggested that my AH live with his parents or my parents. No dice

Vale

You alone bear the burden of command for the decisions you make concerning the rest of your life.It sounds like you are making wise ones that are putting others in your circle very ill at ease.....because it breaks with the dysfunction and puts you back on a healthy path---to life,love,and the pursuit of your highest and best life.
Nice thing about SR I've found......NONE of us can possibly know you or have any possible conflict of interest.Noone here derives benefit from your continued enslavement
and/or oppression.
I had a codie thing going---came here----got straight talk---and solved my codie problem.
My continued thanks to hope2be, Anvilhead, & outtolunch.

PLM

I also recently decided to remove myself from my husbands addiction and filed for divorce. We've been married less then a year, and I can not fathom spending a life with lies and addiction. I understand the strength it took you to make the choice to leave. Don't let anyone change your mind.

incitingsilence

Only you know what you need. If you need to go then you need to go. Don’t let anyone tell you what you have to do because they aren’t the ones who have to walk in your shoes.

Stay strong, and believe in yourself.

Loneywife

Thank you all for your support. Your words and experiences are really helping me out.

Everyone around me seems to think that I am my AH's last shot at being married and having a family. I don't deserve to be someone's last chance.

Sorry just venting a bit.

PLM

I have been hearing those exact words. If I leave my husband apparently he will never have children either (which, considering he's an active heroin addict would be a good thing....). It's just manipulation, try to ignore it. You deserve to be someones first choice, not last chance. I'm sorry you arent finding more support from those closest to you.