Hi stressedwife, so glad you popped back again to post,
Al-anon meetings were about me, and I would just talk to my AH about it like I was going out shopping etc. 'Don't forget I am going out again tonight' 'where to?' ' I have my Al-anon meeting and will be back about 10pm' 'see you later, if your still up'. I never talked about my meetings, my AH never asked and if my AH 'kicked off, worrying about being talked about' 'I would just say 'its for family and friends who feel they are affected by someone else's drinking and we have better things to talk about than you'.
There is no harm in doing anything to help yourself. And there is absolutely no harm in letting him know that you find that his drinking affects your well-being and you want to be healthier and happier. As you get stronger you will learn ways of talking to him about why you are doing things for you, so that you can be a better person, without worrying about his snide remarks etc. I was verbally abused for all of my 23yr marriage and this left me with very low self esteem. As my confidence grew through reading on SR and Al-anon meetings, I gained more strength by being able to say matter of fact statements in reply to my AH unreasonable comments and seeing the 'shocked' look on his face when I stood up to him.
'Sorry you feel that way' was always a good one. 'Thats your opinion' was another I used. As I have said in an earlier post, my first boundary was not to get into discussions with him at all when he had been drinking.
Keep making it about you. I found that the best way of keeping my husband 'shut down' with his opinions about it.