If my husband had used suboxone and it had kept him clean for the most part, I would have loved it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Even while on suboxone, he did some very underhanded things....as if planning for his next relapse. I never saw it coming and was devastated by the lies, the manipulation and the underhandedness. So it's really not about the suboxone. For him, suboxone only helped him through the withdrawals and him abstain for a short period.
MY AH has a very addictive personality. Everything he does is excess. He doesn't take 1-2 Advil, he takes 6. He doesn't buy 1-2 lottery tickets, he spends over $100/wk. His love of golf, is twisted in a world of gambling (I now call it golfaling). He still blows money on nothing.
And here is the sad part, I knew much of this for years. I tried to control it as much as I could..guilt, lectures, etc. And I had always been fairly successful at it until he became in total control of the money and his addiction progressed.
His whole life style is not what I want anymore. I am not saying it is wrong. Some people really enjoy living for today and in some ways I admire that. However, I am saying it's not what I want anymore.
Yesterday, he was off golfaling and I looked at my daughters car and her front tires were bald. I have accepted his "all about him" ways far too long...for ME and my family.
I am not sure if his lifestyle and irresponsibility has all to do with his addiction. I am still learning. But what I do know, it's OK to know what I want and it's not OK to stick my head in the sand any longer. We aren't getting any younger and I want some kind of security now.
In many ways, he is still providing although we are separated. He has put money (but keeps 3/5 of it for himself) in my account and I appreciate what he does give. I use that money for bills, tires and our basic needs...not our wants. Yet he is off living like a 20 year old bachelor but wants his family too. I just don't think that is possible...for me!! Addiction or not, he can not have his cake and eat it too anymore.
P.S. When he told my 18 yr old daughter he was back taking suboxone, she just rolled her eys and said "yeah, ok because that did nothing before but trick us all."
I am not saying suboxone is not useful, I am just saying it wasn't in His recovery.
It was just another way to manipulate me and I fell hook line and sinker. Now if he is taking it and starts a program, maybe I will feel different.