Ii'm sorry to hear about your relapse RyRy but remember that your story has been told thousands of times by thousands of different people in thousands of different AA groups. Only the names have been changed. You need to understand that there is no "just a little bit" for us. Even if we moderate for one night, we'll believe, based on that "success," that we can have a bit more the nect time and soon we are right back in thr bottle.
This stuff is poison to us. It is not okay for us in any amount,