So angry with myself...
April 10th I decided to get sober. I made it ten days. I began to feel normal again and started to think differently. I felt happy, my wife was proud of me. Everything was going good. Friday the booze got me. I spent an entire day justifying to myself that I did not have a problem, that I was over it and I could handle a couple beers. I now know that I cannot. Although not as bad as before I spent the entire weekend drinking. I drank an entire case of beer and two bottles of wine this weekend. Of course saving for the Sunday night finally! Just woke up with my face again plastered to the cold hard wood floor, headache and the anxiety attacks back in full swing, can't sleep, dehydrated beyond belief. I cannot believe my voracious appetite for alcohol. I cannot get enough. I realize now that one beer will spell destruction for me. Opening the door to more, more, more until I crack. I cannot control myself around this deceptive monster. I am an alcoholic. My wife looked so sad, she is worried about me to the point of tears. We had two fights over alcohol this weekend. I just don't know what to do. 4am sunday, back to zero. What is wrong with me. I can't believe this is what I've become...