Oh well it's me again
one hour 20 minutes and it will be 100 days gulp. Please firstly how does one do a paragraph gap on an iPad,driving me insane. Seems a long time ago since that lonely walk back from the hospital at 5 am on a cold January morning. I promised myself I would never ever drink again and a 100 days later it means more than anything that I will not drink again, I am never going back to that life of hiding , planning and the relentless obsession with alcohol. When I think back to the last 30 years of my life its marred with hundreds of occasions of me being drunk, upsetting people, fights, puking, getting arrested, losing things and hundreds of days hungover and feeling totally incapable of doing anything, in fact every single social occasion has been just a drinkfest. But the real more insidious problem began about 10 years ago when I started drinking alone at home, staying up late till 2/3am drinking wine and still not feeling satisfied , telling the mrs I was popping out to car to get something but making a mad dash down to the shop to get more wine and then trying to sneak it back into the house, then finding ways to get rid of the emptys FFs the list is endless and sad. Today at 100 days life is a form of simplicity and I am growing to love it, it's all new to me and I feel like I have been liberated from a very dark place. I have had some real tough days and days of cravings and fighting my av, I am getting better at this, plus my mood swings have been pretty epic as well happy sad ,sad sad happy lol . I have been out on about five social occasions the first four was zero problems, being surrounded by drinkers I just drank diet coke no one really notices unless you make an issue over it, but the only thing is I cannot spend as long as before because after a few hours they can get a bit boring,but it's real fun at times to look at drinkers getting drunk , it's kind of empowering. The last time out was not so good, I was at friends for dinner my wife has always been teetotal but my friend and his wife drink a lot of wine, before when I was getting tanked with them I would never notice how much we was drinking or who was drinking what, but that night they where knocking it back ASAP and I could see them changing from easy going people to touchy/ needy/ argumentive twats and I wanted out of there very quickly, think they both have drink probs as most people who drink regular do, but are in denial. Want to thank all you good people at SR, you and been inspirational to me , I am never ever going back no matter how bored or how cranky I get, being bored for afew days is a million times better than the other option. Thanks all, I will be back. Paragraphs please tell me how to on iPad ty ty