SadHeart

With your ability to read the future, you should play the lottery (not really).

You cannot control everything. You cannot manage when 'they' come for her before or after work, to his place or not. You cannot control who gets fired and who doesn't. You can't control the judge who's going to hear her story and put him in jail.

There's no basis for all this catastrophizing. You don't KNOW that she'll lose her job. And if she does, it won't be because some people show up and talk to her. It will be because she has a long pattern of problem behavior and they don't want her any more. You don't even know that her job will realize what it is going on even IF they show up at her job. They aren't in the business of embarrassing people and making them lose their jobs, they have confidentiality requirements, they are discrete, they investigate--they don't jump off the deep end and start shooting wildly. You aren't in charge of the CPS and are just going to have to leave it to them to do their job. You cannot control them, and should not. You don't know what you are doing in this area.

And you aren't in charge of her boss and if s/he decides to fire your daughter or not. Your daughter very well might have already lost her job, or she might lose it even if they don't come. The boss might find out that what is going on in your daughter's life and decide to keep her because he's short staffed or because he pays her less or because whatever is going on in her life it doesn't affect her work. Or he might fire her because this is the last straw. But if it's the last straw, then she's going to be fired anyway, because if this doesn't turn out to be the last straw, something else will. He's got a business to run. It's his business and he will run it his way. It's not your job to manage his business for him. You can't control this, and don't know how it will turn out or take any responsibility for your daughter's employment. This is between the two of them, not between the three of you. It's her job to be a good employee. It's his job to run a good business. None of it has anything to do with you.

If she ends up fired it's whose fault? Hers. And it's her problem.

So what if she blames everything all on her boyfriend? How do you know he'll end up in jail? Are you in charge of the judge who decides who goes to jail and who doesn't? How do you know SHE won't end up in jail? How do you know either will go to jail? How do you know it will even go before a judge? Don't you think he'll blame everything on her? You can't control and manage this. It's not in your jurisdiction. It's beyond your power.

And what makes you think he'll lose his job? You don't even know what his job is. Your are making assumptions all over the place. If he's a bad employee and they have no confidence in him, they will fire him. That's their RIGHT. He understands more clearly than you do what's required of him to keep his job. If he wants to keep his job, he will fulfill those requirements. If he doesn't care much, he will be careless about fulfilling those requirements. Why should you take it upon yourself to care more about his employment status that he does? It's his responsibility to keep himself employed, not yours. If your daughter is a threat to his job, then HE gets to decide if he wants to risk it or not. HE gets to decide, NOT YOU.

Nor do you get to make decisions for your daughter's boyfriend's employer. They get to decide. Maybe they'll decide to ignore it. Maybe they'll decide to informally counsel him. Maybe they will decide to put him on probation or suspension. And maybe they will decide to fire him. If he has a well paid position of authority, they have more to consider than just your little family's problems. Maybe he SHOULD be fired. But this is not your decision. This is not for you to manage, this is not in your control.

Then you are concerned about your daughter's housing situation. How is this your problem. It's the leaseholder's job to pay the rent, and if they don't have jobs, then it's up to them to find the money somewhere else, borrowing it, or maybe even get new jobs. If they can't pay it's up to the landlord to decide what to do about it. Will he work something out or evict them, will he ask them to leave or file papers with a judge. If he evicts them, will they get new jobs and be able to pay before the eviction goes through? This is up to them, not you. Maybe they would be evicted anyway if they have drug problems and fight and are violent with each other. It's not your responsibility to keep them housed, it's THEIRS. They follow the rules (the same ones you and I manage to follow), they have housing, they don't follow the rules, they risk not having housing. Why is this your problem? And how is it you are so sure anything you do can cause them to retain or lose housing? The people making the decisions about this are your daughter, her boyfriend, the landlord and the eviction judge and whomever else they might involve to borrow money from or choose to move to if they have to get another place to live.

It has nothing to do with you.

Look at all the people you are trying to manipulate decisions for: the CPS, your daughter, her boyfriend, your daughter's employer, the police who decide to arrest or not arrest your daughter and/or her boyfriend, the judge who may or may not put them in jail, or bail them out, or release them on their own recognizance, your daughter's employer, her boyfriend's employer, the landlord, and the eviction judge if any, and anyone else who might decide or not to help them out, and add in a competency judge who might decide or not if your daughter needs to be committed....

3 or 4 judges, two adults, 2 employers, CPS, the police, and a landlord...

Heck, I can understand why you need 4 xanax--you are trying to control way too much --and worse yet, you are trying control people and institutions you have absolutely no power over. You are King Alfred who stood on the beach and tried to get the waves to stop rolling in on the beach. It didn't work for him, and it won't work for you.

You need to regroup and rethink this. All you have a responsibility for is yourself, the truth as you know it (what YOU have experienced and observed, not what your daughter, her boyfriend, etc... might have experienced), and your granddaughter. If you are married, you have a responsibility to your husband. You have no legal responsibility for your granddaughter, only a moral one.

Make decisions only in YOUR best interest, that of your husband and your granddaughter. Let the chips fall where they may with everyone else. Believe it or not, they are all adults and except for your daughter, competent to make good decisions too.

Let them.