((((((Bright))))))
It seem as though you still believe you can somehow control what your H does. No amount of b*thchn will change him. Keep the focus on yourself and your kids. I know you are hurting and you want the insanity to stop. At least half of the insanity is coming from you right now. The more you make this your problem the less he will see his problems.
It is a bumpy road to surrender. Believe me I know!!! I have lived 7 years with a crack addict. I have been trying for a while now to make him leave.... I can live my life.... yes it pi$$es me off that he still uses dope and his mom is dying and wants to see him,he is not supporting his kids(not ours) I feel so bad for his son who despartly wants to be with him and I would help him fight his ex for him but, I know that sweet child does not need or deserve to be around his using dope.
Now I just want him out I am done fighting,crying,begging,feeling guilty. It took a lot of $hit for me to get to this point. I feel like I have trudged over 10,000 miles of broken glass and razor wire and I know I deserve better than this. I can do better and so can you. At least we can be at peace within the situation we are in now so that we can rationally think about what is best for us....