Welcome Newatthis! It's wonderful to have you join us. I'm glad Sapling suggested a new thread for you.
(Hello L4B - and welcome to you.)
Heartfelt sympathy goes out to you for the loss of your mom. She was so young, it must have been overwhelming to cope with. As you've already stated, grief is not a good excuse to postpone dealing with your alcoholism. (Though understandable.) Feeling those emotions is essential - and then we can heal. I was the worst ever for numbing every feeling that I couldn't handle - and I paid a terrible price for that.
Like the others - I regret not having the sense to do what you're doing. Taking a cold, hard look at your drinking habits at 35 will save you so much misery down the line. I was in my 50's when I finally quit - but not before my life was in ruins.
Keep reading, posting, and sharing your thoughts with us. We care about you.