Hi Stressedwife,
I have read many more books beside on alcoholism in marriage etc but that list was my top suggestions for getting the most out. Codependant No More is a popular book on SR as most of us recognise ourselves and our disfunctional relationships in the pages.
Al-anon has lots of literature too, my favourite being a leaflet called 'A Merry Go Round Called Denial'.
My daughter, 19yrs at the time, went with me to my first Al-anon meeting. She didnt really take to it because of the older mix of people and found personal councelling with a therapist, which we organised through our doctor, more beneficial. She had quite a few sessions and found someone who she liked, which made it easier and helpful.
My daughter was pretty switched on about alcoholism and also her dads negative behaviours and often gave me good advice when I was upset. She was more upset and angry with me though for not leaving him sooner and couldnt understand why I stuck around. It was my daughter who first said that her dad was abusive, following a verbal attack both her and I had to endure over a garage blipper. Abusive, a word I hadnt even considered until my daughter mentioned it.
My AH didnt stop me going to Al-anon (I would have gone anyway) but he wasnt happy. He would refer to it sometimes as being a cult and I am sure by his attitude he thought that I was acting nutty, even thinking he had a problem with alcoholic and my mind was being warped by the people in Al-anon. He was in deep denial about his drinking.
He would sometimes say to me 'Off out to talk about me again then' and I just used to say 'why would I talk about you when I have better things to talk about'. Many a time I stumped him with my responses. It wasnt about him anymore, it was about me.
I hope you stay strong. The good thing is that you are no longer in denial. You are on the path of discovery, learning what is acceptable and what is not. You and your daughters now have a 'cause' for all the unnaceptable behaviour that goes on in your home and I cant tell you what a relief that was for me, to finally have pieces of the puzzle all slot in place.
Pop back in and let us know how Al-anon went for you and your daughters.