Bayliss, no one is a lost cause until they die from this disease. As long as there is breathe in your body, the hope of getting sober will stay alive. You want it ... we know you do. Now you have to take action. Wanting it obviously isn't enough, as you've already figured out a few times before. You have to be both active and proactive in your recovery. Make a plan and put it to work. Break it down into manageable increments. Every small victory will encourage you to keep moving forward. You haven't been here even a year yet ... it took some of us much longer than that to finally find our way to sobriety. I myself relapsed 4 times in just one year. If you look at my "join date" here at SR, you'll see I've been here awhile but I've only been truly sober for the last 42 days. I'd get a month, 3 months or more under my belt and then do the same thing you did. Why? Because I had no plan. Get one. Do it today.