If you're going to work AVRT, you need to start by really digging in and understanding it. It's not enough to realize that's the voice of addiction talking. That's part of it, but only part of it.
You're not disappointing anyone more than you're disappointing yourself. You can do this. It's going to take complete commitment, but you absolutely can do it. Anyone can. There's no such thing as a lost cause, or even unpromising circumstances—that's a perfect example of your addiction talking.
I'll send you a PM with some info, Bayliss.