Hi stressedwife,
I just wanted to point out that you dont necessarily have to leave your AH to find peace and happiness, its about getting yourself to a place where you can make an informed descision about what YOU want to do with the rest of YOUR life, regardless of what your husband chooses to do.
When you have lived in a verbally abusive, active alcoholic home for a long time, you do loose sight of a lot of things, but most importantly yourself. The games, verbal abuse, unreasonable behaviours, treading on eggshells, chaos, worrying about upsetting the status quo, all lead to a lack of clarity about marriage, life and family and what is acceptable. I thought my head would explode sometimes with all the should of, would of, could ofs that went on inside there.
I had a few wives at my Al-anon group, still living with active alcoholics and managed to do so whilst maintaining peace and happiness in their own lives. I would listen to them share and thought that maybe I could find serenity too, whilst continuing to live with my active alcholic husband, if only I could just let things go. I couldnt do it. I developed my own friends and things to do outside of the home and I was definitely happier but seeing him with a beer bottle in his hand, hit right where it hurt every time. I finally left, not to 'wake' up my husband, in hopes that he would stop drinking, but because it was what was best for me, my health and happiness.
His choice was to carry on drinking for the rest of his life, but that didnt have to be what I chose to live with for the rest of my own life.
It definitely isnt an overnight descision that you can make. I did an awful lot of reading, therapy, Al-anon meetings and visits to SR before I got to a place where I knew that I was important and made a descision that was based on what was in my own best interest at the end of the day.
That feeling you get on SR and in Al-anon, that someone else knows exactly what you mean, how you feel, what you are living with, is very comforting and empowering. A lot of us can spot alcoholic BS a mile off. Dont believe the put downs etc, it is definitely not you. Thats what they want you to think, so they can carry on drinking in peace.
I hope that you enjoy your first Al-anon meeting. You will definitely hear lots of ES&H that you will relate to. You are no longer alone.