Thank you so much Eightball for that story! After just a day in here my thinking is starting to slowly change. Before I was always thinking some things were my fault or what could I do differently to make things work etc. I'm beginning to see now how much 30 years of his drinking has affected me. We have never had a social life because of his drinking. I never pushed it for fear of how he would act with people over. I have basically isolated myself because of his drinking. If my daughters need to ask him something or discuss something with him, they know they have to do it when he's sober. I know that isn't good. The only "good" thing that's come of it for the kids is...neither of them drink. My 22 year old will on occasion but for the most part she doesn't drink.
I am going to talk to both daughters about attending an Alanon meeting with me and go from there. It will be interesting to see hubby's face when I tell him where we are going. Wonder what he will say...how I will react. I know that slowly I am pushing back at him when he lashes out at me. I"m tired of taking it and tired of living in that fear. I honestly don't know why I didn't leave him way back when. It is a slow process isn't it.