I think the biggest change that happened to me was when I started to think about me first rather than the needs of my alcoholic wife. When I started to look at the marriage as a whole, what I was getting out of it, what kind of partner my AW was, how much support was I getting compared to what I was giving.
It really opened my eyes to the REALITY of the situation. I realized what I had was not a partner, I had a parasite. I was the only one giving. I was getting little or nothing in return other than what she thought she had to give to keep from losing her cozy setup.
We have now been separated for a year and I am in the process of divorcing her. I can't believe how scared I was to leave after 36 years of marriage. When I talked to my adult daughters about it they both said "what took you so long?". Now I can't believe I stayed as long as I did. Living by myself is so great. There are times I find myself smiling for no reason at all. Life is good.
Your friend,