Welcome to the SR family!
I'm glad you found us, but sorry about the reasons that brought you here.
I found SR to be a wonderful resource of information, wisdom and support. I also find the same at face-to-face Alanon meetings in my local community. And self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie have helped me take the focus off my alcoholic and back onto the one person I do have control over: ME.
I was married to my active alcoholic 14 years, and we had three children in our home. I finally reached a point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I was a SAHM (stay at home mom) for 12 of the 14 years of the marriage. I wasn't sure how I would support myself and 3 children if I left the marriage.
I found some information and options by getting two free consultations from family lawyers. The first lawyer was a terrible experience, but the second lawyer was a good fit. He explained my options, the state laws, and the customary practices of judges in our community.
With that information, support from my friends and family - I was able to formulate a plan for my future.
One of the reasons I chose to go ahead and leave had to do with my children.
I realized I was presenting an unhealthy role model for my children.
I did not want my son to treat his future life partner the way my husband was treating me, and
I did not want my daughters to accept unacceptable behavior (like I was) from their future life partners.
I wanted my children to believe in me. I wanted them to know that they have control of their futures.
One of my favorite posts here on SR contains steps that I followed while living with active alcoholism in my home. Here is a link to that post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html