Wow, Ima....your story is a lot like mine. I realize if you're not ready to quit (says me, with one day in) that what I say may not make a difference but I want you to hear it anyway. I spent quite a lot of my now-9-yr-old daughter's younger years drinking myself into a haze every night. I told myself I deserved a drink, I was a single Mom going through some extremely difficult things with her Dad. I would buy a 6 and drink 4 while I sat doing things online and she was playing or asleep. Then eventually I was drinking the whole 6. Then started buying a 12...drinking 8 with ease. Then 10. Then 12.
There have been nights I've even had more. But here's the thing....between the haze/black outs of all those nights and the years of drinking in general, I've got very little clear memories of times with her when she was little. Now she's 9, talking about boys, worrying about how she dresses, spending more time in her room. When I think of that little girl that I could have spent every waking minute with and struggle to remember details it completely breaks my heart. She's never going to be that child again, and I won't be having any more. I wasted so much time, and I hate myself for it.
Sounds like (again, like me) one of your weaknesses is grabbing alcohol when you have to run to the store....I too had to pass by the liquor aisle today! I got some Crystal Light w/ caffeine because I'm also going to try to cut back my Diet Pepsi day time drinking. Good for you for passing it up. I hope you can get a handle on this while your kids are young!