i was in and out of rehabs and tried to get sober for over a decade before it stuck. i truely thought i was one of those people who would never get any time under their belt.
While i'm only a couple of years into sobriety, there is one thing that i have now that i never had before...that was a constant want to be sober more than i wanted to be drunk.
I play the whole tape through nowadays...all of the consequences, I mean. An really, it was only because i was teetering on the brink of death did i see that I had to abandon any hope that i could ever drink again.
what really helped me was carrying around a list of things that would happen to me if i drank again..I still have it and i'll copy it down for you. it was kinda a warning label i carried everywhere with me.
drinking any amount will lead to: shaking, nausea, hallucinations, seizures, itching, bugs crawling on me, nightmares, insomnia, headaches, lying, disappointment, fear, paranoia, anger, hopelessness, sadness, desperation, and death.
I probably read that list 2000 times before i hit a month of constant sobriety. for me, when i was locked in a desire, i forgot all of that. keeping the list dragged it to the front of my mind so i could see what would happen.
chin up. you'll get there.