bunkie...
plain and simple, you need to look after yourself. Re-read your post. Now read it again... and pretend someone else wrote it. Hopefully, you'll see reading it pretending it's from someone else will show that this person you love just isn't there to LOVE you back the way you need or deserve.
I came on here a year+ ago looking for hope... looking for something to help my AH... to help US and our marriage. Went through tonnes of crap in the middle and have come out the other side physically exhausted "aged" and mentally spent.
Addiction does that... to everyone.... esp. those who feel that they will be the exception to the 'norm' around here. Miracles do happen of course, but only for those who work the program of recovery for themselves. The miracle may not turn out to be a 'happy ending' for us and our addicted loved ones, but rather one for ourselves. I'm finally learning this...
I wish you well and hope you read lots on here and get good information to arm yourself with.