Langkah said it "choice" - my disease wants to KILL me.... and so it had me convinced that all that work it might take to get and stay sober was not worth my time. much easier to sit and use....
it took real effort to develop a feeling of self worth - i was only trying to undo decades of actions guaranteed to keep me down.
AA [and NA] gave me the means to change that slow suicidal dynamic.
And for me, that meant [and still means] that i do the WHOLE deal- meetings, sponsor, steps, service- no more of my old shortcuts , excuses, procrastinations, BS. Just get in there and work it like my ass was on fire....
i came to understand that sage who said: "Your time is running fast. Pay attention!"