Rae, you are your own worst enemy, you continue to have contact with him and then
suffer yet another emotional setback...why do you keep doing this to yourself?
Do you have a life aside from your ex...do you work? Do you have friends and family that you can talk to? You seem to have alot of idle time on your hands, you allow this guy to occupy too much of your brain space...why?
Tell us who you are, it might help us understand why your brain is like a continuos loop when it comes to your ex.