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The text that changed EVERYTHING

Old 04-06-2012, 11:53 AM
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Unhappy The text that changed EVERYTHING

My ex of 6 years..broke up with me 3months ago, keeps contacting me telling me about how he changed and about his new love. I keep crying but the new text message he sent me....keeps me crying more then ever.

My ex texted me that he is the happiest he has ever been and that his new love for the new women and her 4 kids are making him be the man he always knew he could be. I feel like all the progress I have made was BLOWN and i keep crying.

A part of me is happy for him but another part of me is screaming inside, because all i ever wanted was for him to be that man for me and i had to endure 6 years of hard work, love, dedication, 1000's of memeories and tears, to only be spit out at the end, like a piece of trash and he now is moving on a better person for HER.

Wow, talk about a broken heart. I didnt respond to the text, how could i? There is nothing i could say that would make me feel any better or anything he could reply with that would take the pain away i am feeling. He also said in that text that he is purposing to her by the end of the year and that being with her kids makes him relize what type of man he is becoming and there is no place in the world he would rather be.

He is on cloud 9 while i still am in my own personal hell, picking up the pieces of my broken heart left by him only 3 months ago!!! I have my good days and my bad days for sure where i want him back, sometimes i prayed he would get better and do the these things for me I would need for us to work.....now that hope is gone and the man i wanted him to be for me, he wants to be for her.

I am sooooo devastated…he keeps contacting me, telling me all about her, how they fell in love and the fact that she bought him a car…sigh. My ex was addicted to prescription pills, is an ex alcoholic and did coke 3 times that I know of. When I told him I was done and wanted him to get help, thats when he told me about the new girl and i wasnt worth fighting for…he has done nothing but hurt me for the past 3 months because he know I love him with all my heart and turned down his proposal to marry him. I feel like I regret it EVERY SINGLE DAY that I let him go because I though he would come back and be what I needed, but…that’s not the case. What do I do?!

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Old 04-06-2012, 11:54 AM
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This was the text.......

“I wanted to let u know, i am happy. It just comes down to *something deep in your heart u didn't realize until late. I wasn't the man u really wanted. Your a go getter, and you have high expectations of urself and your partner. It's going to be so awesome when God blesses u with a man that is ordained by him. At this point I'm content with part time at Costco, but also want to drive the ambulance this winter my record is clear. You had bigger plans for u and ur partner. It all makes sense. You know my dreams were a little too simple for you. I just wanted a family, and I have been blessed with one now. But I still want my own kids in the future. I can see the light now. It was hard to see the light with u, because everyone around us was kind of about money. *But they kept worrying about my past just like u did. Now I have no past, I'm the Nick I was trying to tell u I was for ten months.

Please don't get upset but I'm going to make a commitment before the year ends to have a beautiful future with fawn if it all keeps going the same way. Why wait, when we both love kids, and in a couple years want a couple more. I'm blessed to say the money is there, but she budget's like no one I have ever seen. Family deals for food and so forth. Your on fire for God so u understand that God supplies us *with food and shelter and she has that faith. Alls she needed was to be loved along with her kids.*

Once again I'am so sorry from the bottom of my heart that I did choose drugs over you. That hurts so bad to say, how selfish was I. You said it urself too. You now know love conquerors all. It's so beautiful what I have with her, it makes me want to be a better man and help raise the 2 and 4 year old, knowing they will never see me drunk or high on pills.*

There is no place I would rather be than with these kids. So when u thought I was back to my old ways, u were way off. Sure we will have a drink or two after being up with the kids since 6am and dealing with the teenagers and thier friends. But it's not necessary. I still must remember my past because there is a lot more lives that could be hurt. There is a place in my heart that u will always reside in. You were a wonderful girlfriend and I like that u can look back on our good times. And when that blessed man had you, hopefully u can have a place in your heart for me that now and then smiles. I still hope someday down the road we can have a coffee and chat. It's just too soon like we talked about. I know ur sleeping but u will read this in the morning and should have no regrets when u place those two feet on the ground, because your on Gods path. Possiblities are endless. ❤always”

I should be mad as hell but I cant stop crying….What does this text mean?
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:08 PM
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didn't we go through this already???? or am I imagining things?
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:09 PM
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It means he's trying to give you closure. It's time to move on.
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:42 PM
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100 bucks says he does the same thing to her and her kids... don't feel bad... It may LOOK like someone else is getting what you wanted in this person but I would almost guarantee that's not the case..
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:45 PM
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Why not just block his number?
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:54 PM
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Isn't this the same text as a few threads ago?
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:12 PM
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We are still waiting to hear something about you Rae.......

We all understand the dynamic of the toxic situation you and your Boyfriend have shared. We have traveled in your shoes. While the names and faces are different, they all do THE EXACT SAME THING.

I would like to ask, where do you see yourself in the next three months? What can you do to help yourself get to a better emotional level? (free of the hurt and pain)

Let's talk about you for awhile..........
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:19 PM
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Coming from the perspective of the new woman and how there is no happy ending without true and honest recovery. My ex was separated for one year from his ex when he met me. I know he said similar things to her about how happy he was with me and how I am the one. I can honestly tell you that he did and does have those strong feelings for me. But he had and has no recovery. I left him/he left me many times after his relapse and despite being semi-sober and doing pretty well- he still acts like an active addict. I give him credit and it makes me happy to hear that he is trying to take care of himself and not trying to run off to another relationship. He may or may not be on his way to real recovery. I hope for his sake that he sees the light. That is his path. I feel by letting him go I found recovery and he may too. That is hard to swallow. There are a lot of "maybes" and "what ifs" He knows I love him and I know he loves me. But that love has had a layer of fog covering the truth- addictive thinking and addictive patterns are why we (not just he) cannot be in healthy relationship right now. The reality is that trust is essential. Learning to trust your gut and make connections between the head and the heart is necessary right now for YOUR healing. He has chosen his path for several reasons that you will destroy yourself trying to figure out. He has a difficult road ahead of him and so do you. So put all of this energy back into your life and loving yourself. The rewards are endless and relief from the heartbreak will come. I know from recent experience how it feels. Love does conquer all- just not in the way we think it does. Addiction destroys all. No one completes us. We are already complete. When we realize that (when I realize that) then love will surround you. I would bless him and release him. I am sorry for your loss but happy for your potential spiritual gain. Love and prayers your way.
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:28 PM
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What do you do?

1) Stop contacting him.
2) Block his number and erase all his old texts and emails. Block his facebook or any means of communication or checking on him.
3) Continue counseling. If this counselor isn't helping find a different one.
4) Make plans for your day (projects, goals, volunteer) that keeps you focused and busy on something besides him. Fill your time.

I was with my counselor and sharing how afraid I was. I was paralyzed with fear and didn't know how I could make a decision. She pointed out that doing nothing was making a decision. I was choosing to keep things just as they were and to remain in the space I was in.

Right now you are choosing this painful space you are in. The first two steps to moving out of that painful space or so simple. They take zero planning, zero prep, zero consideration, zero financial impact, etc. etc. Two minutes of fiddling with your phone and it is done. Yet you can not do that. Do you know why you aren't able?

Of course the painful feelings will remain - there is a lot of work to be done on yourself but you have to take the first steps.

ETA: Also - I tend to awfulize and I see some of that here. This text didn't change EVERYTHING. It didn't change anything. He was your azzhat ex before he sent it and he is still that now. Nothing changed at all. It seems like you have this big fantasy in your head about what was, what you wanted, what you saw for your future and then reality jumps in and pinches you. Reality is that he was not making you happy when you were together, he is not making you happy now, and he is not the man you dream of. He is the face you have put on your dreams. It HURTS when reality pinches us and it will continue to hurt until you put that fantasy to rest. It am familiar with that part of it too!
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Old 04-06-2012, 01:37 PM
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As long as you ALLOW him to mess with your head, he will keep messing with your head. If you are still accepting text messages from him, you must be getting something out of it. What are you getting out of allowing this little worm to treat you like yesterday's garbage?

It's all up to you, hon. Until you decide to make it stop, nothing is going to change.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:03 PM
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I was the "new" one, too....and now I am the "old" one. Bottom line, neither my ex nor I are going to be capable of a healthy relationship until we both really do the recovery work it takes to get healthy. So do I envy anyone who comes after me? Nope, and besides, I know the focus has to be on ME, so I am capable of sustaining a loving and secure relationship one day. And I know I'll get there.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:00 PM
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I was the new amazing girlfriend who changed his life. For about.. Ooh. 6 months, maybe less, I can't exactly recall. Then I became, in his eyes, just the same as his ex. Maybe he loved me- but maybe he's incapable of that.
This text didn't change anything, it just confirmed what a waste of your energy he is. Let him go. Hand him over to your HP. It's ok to love him but it's not ok to keep allowing him to hurt you. That text is playing so many games, the first being blame. He's blaming you and your expectations, and then the people around you, for the fact your relationship doesn't work. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Until he takes a good hard look at himself, this man is going to continue on his path of destruction. He's destroying himself and he's destroying the people around him. Pray for those kids, that man shouldnt be in their lives, he is an addict and not fit to be brought into their innocent lives as a male role model.
Let him go Rae. He's toxic and he's still blaming everyone around him. He's not changed, he's just changed the people around him.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:23 PM
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I was the "new one" too... Yes....he did get sober but he did not continue working a recovery program. When he quit "recovery" he reverted to "addict behaviors" only he wasn't using. The drugs he used instead were entitlement and anger. Now I've closed the door on our relationship and I'm sure that his 1st ex wife is crowing about that.

The "new one" isn't getting a new and improved version of anyone but it's really easy to believe that they are. Time will tell.

Continuing to receive texts/emails is only going to keep hurting. I found it impossible not to read things when I receive them so all I know to do is stop them before I have the chance to see them....so blocking and placing things in spam really worked for me. Do I still hurt....yep....I do....but the raw and jagged feelings don't surface when I don't have contact with him. I tortured myself with contact and finally I realized that it had to stop.

It takes what it takes though....everyone gave me the same advice to go no contact and it took me awhile to get that it wa imperative to do that. Hopefully, you will realize that taking care of you is woth it and will do the stuff that helps you to get away from the painful reminders.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:35 PM
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Rae, you are your own worst enemy, you continue to have contact with him and then
suffer yet another emotional setback...why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Do you have a life aside from your ex...do you work? Do you have friends and family that you can talk to? You seem to have alot of idle time on your hands, you allow this guy to occupy too much of your brain space...why?

Tell us who you are, it might help us understand why your brain is like a continuos loop when it comes to your ex.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:56 PM
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I do have a full time job and i do have friends. Even when i am at work i am thinking about him 24/7. I am trying EVERYTHING to get over this man. I am seeing a therepist, i am going to alonon, celebrate recovery, self help books, talking to friends and family, going to church, journaling and reading these forms...I have also been voulenteering and trying new things. NOTHING WORKS
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:02 PM
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Is this guy your first serious romance?

Sounds like therapy is the only answer,it would appear that there are some deep rooted issues that need to be explored and resolved.

Would help if you would go no contact, change you phone number if you need to, do whatever it takes for you to stop reading and responding to him.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:03 PM
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I was in your shoes until one day my psychiatrist said to me "just accept what's happened and move on".

I think he must have said that a number of times before, or maybe a thousand times, but this ONE day, all of a sudden it was like a light bulb in my head that went on. And I stood outside of myself, looking in, and realized this is what I need to do.

As if it's some great revelation! right!

But, from that day on, I was emotionally disconnected from my ex. I saw him and felt nothing. Like I was looking at a stranger. A weird man that I don't know and yet there was a disgust about him. Some kind of ugliness that use to have a control over me.

But now I was free.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:04 PM
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Why do you want him in your life so badly? What is it about you that makes you feel like you NEED this terrible relationship? I'm not asking because I want to judge you, I'm asking because I want you to think about it, and because I want to understand better.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:07 PM
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Have you cut off ALL Contact? Permanently? It sounds like you have made a career out of "forgetting" him, but you are so immersed in it that all you do is think about him. You are still allowing yourself to be consumed by him.

The only way to get over him is to have absolutely no contact with him, no discussions about him, not allowing yourself to think about him (put a rubber band on your arm and snap it hard when you catch yourself thinking about him), go out and do things you enjoy doing, and keep at it. Eventually, your mind will start engaging in other things besides him. The only way out of this is through it.
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