I never get why people think it's selfish to kill yourself but don't consider how selfish it is expecting me to live. If everyday feels like torture, it doesn't matter so long as u don't upset anyone by dying? It's just as selfish for someone to live just for other people. The coward thing is also quite popular but almost everyone is afraid to die. Its not an easy thing to give up your life and its not that I'm afraid of the future or just don't want to work to feel better, its that I'm not helping anyone by staying alive and my family would be relieved if.I did it. They love me but I'm a burden to them. My mom told me a couple weeks to just do it sooner rather than later. If people think its an easy way out, I respect that but I just can't feel what I feel and function. Does that make me weak? Okay. Maybe so heck maybe I am a coward. I'm certainly not one to deny my many faults and shortcomings. If I knew how to feel differently, I'd do it. I tried 13 years ago at 19 to kill myself. In all the years since I have never managed to get better. I didn't use drugs then but I was so depressed and traumatized I wanted the pain to stop. I've graduated college, been married, and until a few years ago was reasonably successful. I still was never happy. Oh I faked it and even tried telling myself that I was happy. I wanted to feel like I was supposed to, my life was going well. I couldn't escape feeling worthless and depressed. Sure meds helped a little but when I allowed things to start falling apart it was like I knew eventually everyone would realize how worthless I am. I've tried therapy in college but I am unable to think of myself in any other way. I know its not true but I can't feel it. Again I'm not saying anyone should kill themselves, not even me. My point is that before you dismiss me of anyone as a coward, did you even try to understand my reality?