Hardy I've been through periods where I literally didn't care if I lived or died - I wasn't insane, but I'm not sure I was mentally together either.
I'm glad I got through those periods because I was operating on a false premise: I was assuming my life would always be a certain way...time has shown me that's not the case at all.
I was sad and depressed and screwed up for 40 years - the last 5 years of my life I finally sought help and I've totally turned my life around.
I really hope you'll seek some help too Hardy.
You're worth it
D