Thoughts, your original post to this thread is a classic expression of someone who has finally self recovered after dealing with problems associated with drinking "thousands of times before".
Thoughts, you have been signed up here only three days. The unmentioned "elephant in the room" in this thread so far, is that there is a program well describe on this website that validates everything you have been saying. It is spelled out in the Secular Recovery section of this website. It's called AVRT for Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
Your newly understood plan "I'm never drinking again," is the keystone component of AVRT. You have been feeling what is called the Abstinence Commitment Effect when you say "This time I'm really feeling at peace with it."
Even the "mourning at the loss of alcohol and drugs" is more evidence that you have really done "it". You have quit for good and know you will not change your mind, no matter what. This does cause a sense of grief over knowing you will not be getting high from drugs or alcohol again, but that "mourning" is less important than your "looking forward to moving on."
Logically, how do people quit without becoming dependent upon resources outside themselves? Well, there must be some point at which they really do have their last drink. This really does happen, and it happens to a lot of people.
It sounds like you are sensing that it has happened to you. If you want to absolutely "KNOW" that it has happened to you, you can utilize some of the ideas in the AVRT threads on the Secular Recovery webpages here.
AVRT is sometimes hard to find because there is no element of it that says in order to stay sober you should carry the message to other people who suffer. So, some may be wondering, why am I doing this. Because I happen to have some time available and like to see people end their addictions.
