Does sobriety ever just happen?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 25
Does sobriety ever just happen?
I wanted to inquire about the feelings I'm having about my sobriety this time.
Granted, I'm only on day 7, but this time "it" just feels different. I feel as though I'm truly done with drinking and hard drugs. I know I've said, "I'm never drinking again," thousands of times before, but it was always felt sort of forced or out of frustration with myself. This time I'm really feeling at peace with it. I don't know why or how these feelings came about, but they're there.
I mean, the past week hasn't been all peaches and cream, and I am mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs, questioning friendships, and trying to figure myself out outside of drinking, but I'm looking forward to moving on. This is a sentiment that, I feel, really separates this attempt at sobriety with every other one in my past.
Does anyone else know this feeling? Was that really "it" for you, or did you wind up slipping?
Granted, I'm only on day 7, but this time "it" just feels different. I feel as though I'm truly done with drinking and hard drugs. I know I've said, "I'm never drinking again," thousands of times before, but it was always felt sort of forced or out of frustration with myself. This time I'm really feeling at peace with it. I don't know why or how these feelings came about, but they're there.
I mean, the past week hasn't been all peaches and cream, and I am mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs, questioning friendships, and trying to figure myself out outside of drinking, but I'm looking forward to moving on. This is a sentiment that, I feel, really separates this attempt at sobriety with every other one in my past.
Does anyone else know this feeling? Was that really "it" for you, or did you wind up slipping?
So it goes
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,620
You never know, however this time I havent said I am never going to drink again. I dont think that far ahead. Not drinking today is fine for me. I will do that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
I needed to have a back-up plan of action. I found this in a program of recovery and in person support. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so today I am prepared for the unexpected.
Glad you are here, thoughts!
Glad you are here, thoughts!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
I've read, probably at The Orange Papers, that 5% of alcoholics spontaneously go into remission. I don;t know what they base that on or if it reflects any accuracy at all. I suppose it's possible that some folks stop and stay stopped.
Personally, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been part of the blessed 5%. I needed some pretty intensive help to get stopped and regular support to stay stopped. I'm happy that you think it feels differently this time. Maybe you've had enough?
The "mourning" phrase jumps out at me, though. Mourning seems to connote the loss of something valued. If booze and drugs still represent something of value to you, on whatever level, you might have a bigger struggle than you anticipate soming up.
Personally, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been part of the blessed 5%. I needed some pretty intensive help to get stopped and regular support to stay stopped. I'm happy that you think it feels differently this time. Maybe you've had enough?
The "mourning" phrase jumps out at me, though. Mourning seems to connote the loss of something valued. If booze and drugs still represent something of value to you, on whatever level, you might have a bigger struggle than you anticipate soming up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
I remember going through a grieving stage, I would expect to as my life as I knew it was leaving me.
In the first little while in drying out you will experience pretty well every human emotion there is and we aren't used to that. My sponsor and the other AA members helped me through those times.
You've heard the expression "God works in mysterious ways", you will slowly find out what that means.
All the best, are you going to AA?
Bob R
In the first little while in drying out you will experience pretty well every human emotion there is and we aren't used to that. My sponsor and the other AA members helped me through those times.
You've heard the expression "God works in mysterious ways", you will slowly find out what that means.
All the best, are you going to AA?
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 92
That is exactly what I went through 35 sober days ago now.
I had my last drink and I thought this isn't giving me a buzz any more and I was fed up with it.
I've tried to quit many times but I've never had this feeling about alcohol before. I'm not stressing about it, I just feel I don't want to drink any more.
If you feel similar, it's a great place to be. I had withdrawal symptoms and they lasted a couple of weeks or so but I'm finding it easier and easier and I've only really just begun.
I hope you stay with your abstinence and I'm sure you'll feel better for it. Good luck.
I had my last drink and I thought this isn't giving me a buzz any more and I was fed up with it.
I've tried to quit many times but I've never had this feeling about alcohol before. I'm not stressing about it, I just feel I don't want to drink any more.
If you feel similar, it's a great place to be. I had withdrawal symptoms and they lasted a couple of weeks or so but I'm finding it easier and easier and I've only really just begun.
I hope you stay with your abstinence and I'm sure you'll feel better for it. Good luck.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
It sounds like the “looking forward to moving on” part of you is stronger than the “mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs” part of you. The former is a more spiritual thing. The big danger is that it could reverse and put you in that more vulnerable position you are more typically accustomed to.
The last time I got sober I found I needed to make some very big changes in my life as a sort of insurance policy against going back to the way it had always been. I had to devalue how I felt. How I felt, had been, the most important thing in my life. I, like most everyone else, drank for the effect, and the effect was to change how I felt. For me it was a monumental shift in perspective that needed to take place. Perhaps it's something that has already started to take place with you.
It was suggested I keep a truly open mind about spirituality (in the broadest sense of the word). So, for months, I read everything I could about the spiritual side of us, from William James to the Tao Te Ching. The result was a very different perspective on “how I felt”. A shift took place, but it did require a truly open mind. Hope you have a pleasant journey (even though I now know that this is not the most important thing).
The last time I got sober I found I needed to make some very big changes in my life as a sort of insurance policy against going back to the way it had always been. I had to devalue how I felt. How I felt, had been, the most important thing in my life. I, like most everyone else, drank for the effect, and the effect was to change how I felt. For me it was a monumental shift in perspective that needed to take place. Perhaps it's something that has already started to take place with you.
It was suggested I keep a truly open mind about spirituality (in the broadest sense of the word). So, for months, I read everything I could about the spiritual side of us, from William James to the Tao Te Ching. The result was a very different perspective on “how I felt”. A shift took place, but it did require a truly open mind. Hope you have a pleasant journey (even though I now know that this is not the most important thing).
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hey Thoughts.....
have to agree and disagree. LOL
I felt like something was different this time not because my desire to drink was gone.... I've been there before and it always came back - maybe 6 months later......maybe tomorrow. What was different this time around for me was I felt committed to AA and I understood the guarantee that I'd not drink ever again AND get a whole new life IF I'd submit to the process. For some reason, I was willing to do that.........so for that reason, I knew something was different.
My "desire to drink" was sneaky......it would go away juuuuust long enough for me to put my defenses down......then WHAMO! Capitalize on this new "motivation" you have. Don't take it for granted.
have to agree and disagree. LOL
I felt like something was different this time not because my desire to drink was gone.... I've been there before and it always came back - maybe 6 months later......maybe tomorrow. What was different this time around for me was I felt committed to AA and I understood the guarantee that I'd not drink ever again AND get a whole new life IF I'd submit to the process. For some reason, I was willing to do that.........so for that reason, I knew something was different.
My "desire to drink" was sneaky......it would go away juuuuust long enough for me to put my defenses down......then WHAMO! Capitalize on this new "motivation" you have. Don't take it for granted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 25
Thanks guys!
You're right, I don't know, but I hope so. Good luck!
[QUOTE=sugarbear1;3345702]I needed to have a back-up plan of action. I found this in a program of recovery and in person support. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so today I am prepared for the unexpected./QUOTE]
If you don't mind me asking, what was your back-up plan? Do you mean something you did to ensure you stayed sober, or a plan of action to quit drinking again if slip? I'm glad for you!
Wouldn't that be nice. I sure hope I'm part of that 5%!
My mourning of the loss of booze is one of the main things that feels different this time. In the past, my mourning of booze was because I was in looking back at what I have lost and mistakes I have made, as well as the prospect of never drinking again as it relates to simply getting drunk.
This time, it is more connected to my future and how sobriety will inevitably affect relationships I care about. A lot of my drinking buddies are my friends, true friends. Many of the people I drink with are friends I've had since I was a kid, before I had ever drank or done drugs. In fact, they were there for all my life's milestones thus far, but most drink and quite a few use drugs. (They just know when the party's over, whereas I take the party home.) But, they are really excellent friends, good people.
I guess what I'm mourning is what I'm going to miss due to not drinking. Although I'm sure every one of them would offer alcohol-free weddings and drug-free trips to Vegas for my benefit, I could never actually take them up on that. My addiction is my problem; it would be selfish of me to expect such large concessions from them in that respect.
Thanks!
I have been experiencing a lot of emotions. Some of these emotions have been sad and some not, but the underlying feeling has been positive and that it's time. I know I have a few kinks to work out, some I really don't want to face, but I am going to face them so that I can get past them and on with life as soon as possible.
About 10 years ago when I got a DUI I was court-ordered to an alcohol awareness course and AA three times a week for 4 months. I met quite a few good folks and I know the program works for a lot of people, but overall it didn't click with me. I feel like retrospect is the only way for me to grasp my addiction at this point; which I admit to not fully understanding why, even though I was aware of the path I was on, I allowed myself to keep going.
Sober since '89! Awesome!
I think we may be in a similar place. Although, you appear to be further along... Keep it going!
Originally Posted by BillyPilgrim 
You never know, however this time I havent said I am never going to drink again. I dont think that far ahead. Not drinking today is fine for me. I will do that tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
[QUOTE=sugarbear1;3345702]I needed to have a back-up plan of action. I found this in a program of recovery and in person support. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, so today I am prepared for the unexpected./QUOTE]
If you don't mind me asking, what was your back-up plan? Do you mean something you did to ensure you stayed sober, or a plan of action to quit drinking again if slip? I'm glad for you!
Originally Posted by SOBERINNEPA
I've read, probably at The Orange Papers, that 5% of alcoholics spontaneously go into remission.
The "mourning" phrase jumps out at me, though. Mourning seems to connote the loss of something valued. If booze and drugs still represent something of value to you, on whatever level, you might have a bigger struggle than you anticipate soming up.
The "mourning" phrase jumps out at me, though. Mourning seems to connote the loss of something valued. If booze and drugs still represent something of value to you, on whatever level, you might have a bigger struggle than you anticipate soming up.
My mourning of the loss of booze is one of the main things that feels different this time. In the past, my mourning of booze was because I was in looking back at what I have lost and mistakes I have made, as well as the prospect of never drinking again as it relates to simply getting drunk.
This time, it is more connected to my future and how sobriety will inevitably affect relationships I care about. A lot of my drinking buddies are my friends, true friends. Many of the people I drink with are friends I've had since I was a kid, before I had ever drank or done drugs. In fact, they were there for all my life's milestones thus far, but most drink and quite a few use drugs. (They just know when the party's over, whereas I take the party home.) But, they are really excellent friends, good people.
I guess what I'm mourning is what I'm going to miss due to not drinking. Although I'm sure every one of them would offer alcohol-free weddings and drug-free trips to Vegas for my benefit, I could never actually take them up on that. My addiction is my problem; it would be selfish of me to expect such large concessions from them in that respect.
Thanks!
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
I remember going through a grieving stage, I would expect to as my life as I knew it was leaving me.
In the first little while in drying out you will experience pretty well every human emotion there is and we aren't used to that. My sponsor and the other AA members helped me through those times.
You've heard the expression "God works in mysterious ways", you will slowly find out what that means.
All the best, are you going to AA?
Bob R
In the first little while in drying out you will experience pretty well every human emotion there is and we aren't used to that. My sponsor and the other AA members helped me through those times.
You've heard the expression "God works in mysterious ways", you will slowly find out what that means.
All the best, are you going to AA?
Bob R
About 10 years ago when I got a DUI I was court-ordered to an alcohol awareness course and AA three times a week for 4 months. I met quite a few good folks and I know the program works for a lot of people, but overall it didn't click with me. I feel like retrospect is the only way for me to grasp my addiction at this point; which I admit to not fully understanding why, even though I was aware of the path I was on, I allowed myself to keep going.
Sober since '89! Awesome!
Originally Posted by Sometime
If you feel similar, it's a great place to be. I had withdrawal symptoms and they lasted a couple of weeks or so but I'm finding it easier and easier and I've only really just begun.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by awuh1
It sounds like the “looking forward to moving on” part of you is stronger than the “mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs” part of you.
I had to devalue how I felt. How I felt, had been, the most important thing in my life. I, like most everyone else, drank for the effect, and the effect was to change how I felt. For me it was a monumental shift in perspective that needed to take place. Perhaps it's something that has already started to take place with you.
It was suggested I keep a truly open mind about spirituality (in the broadest sense of the word). So, for months, I read everything I could about the spiritual side of us, from William James to the Tao Te Ching. The result was a very different perspective on “how I felt”.
I had to devalue how I felt. How I felt, had been, the most important thing in my life. I, like most everyone else, drank for the effect, and the effect was to change how I felt. For me it was a monumental shift in perspective that needed to take place. Perhaps it's something that has already started to take place with you.
It was suggested I keep a truly open mind about spirituality (in the broadest sense of the word). So, for months, I read everything I could about the spiritual side of us, from William James to the Tao Te Ching. The result was a very different perspective on “how I felt”.
Devaluing my feelings towards alcohol, something that I hadn't really considered, is actually the opposite of what my plans are at the moment. We're all different, but, for me, I feel that if I'm ever going to get past these feelings I need to confront and understand them so that I can eventually change them. Then I move on.
Although I'm not religious at all, I do keep an open mind in regards to spirituality. Specifically, the spirituality of others.
Thanks for your insight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by DayTrader
I felt like something was different this time not because my desire to drink was gone.... I've been there before and it always came back - maybe 6 months later......maybe tomorrow. What was different this time around for me was I felt committed to AA and I understood the guarantee that I'd not drink ever again AND get a whole new life IF I'd submit to the process. For some reason, I was willing to do that.........so for that reason, I knew something was different.
My "desire to drink" was sneaky......it would go away juuuuust long enough for me to put my defenses down......then WHAMO! Capitalize on this new "motivation" you have. Don't take it for granted.
My "desire to drink" was sneaky......it would go away juuuuust long enough for me to put my defenses down......then WHAMO! Capitalize on this new "motivation" you have. Don't take it for granted.
I don't think that I'm in the clear by any means. What I'm hoping for is that this feeling is permanent, or at least lasts long enough for me to change my relationship with it. To give myself the upper hand with myself.
I appreciate people's suggestions of AA, but, respectfully, it's just not for me.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Yes, I think I do know this feeling, although it didn't come about in exactly the same way. For me, I spent years "wanting to want" to quit, although I never seemed to be able to turn the wanting into an actual decision until, well, the day I made the decision.
But yeah, when the time came, and I did make my decision, I felt very much at peace with it. It was actually an incredible relief to just give up trying to drink successfully.
I can't say it "just happened"; it was a lot of work. And it was painful too, sometimes. I was always comfortable with my decision though, and never felt like changing my mind once it was made up.
But yeah, when the time came, and I did make my decision, I felt very much at peace with it. It was actually an incredible relief to just give up trying to drink successfully.
I can't say it "just happened"; it was a lot of work. And it was painful too, sometimes. I was always comfortable with my decision though, and never felt like changing my mind once it was made up.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by thoughts
I appreciate people's suggestions of AA, but, respectfully, it's just not for me.
Not sure why you felt compelled to tell me that or what it's supposed to mean but, whatever.
Just do what works for you. I was just sharing my experience in response to your question about when I had felt as you described. It wasn't necessarily a pitch to join AA....nor was it a knock on any other sort of recovery program.
Be good...
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by thoughts
What I'm hoping for is that this feeling is permanent
For me it was about not wanting to drink MORE than I wanted to drink. And I was absolutely effin miserable. I hated myself and what I had become. I finally figured out what they meant about the insanity of it .... doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I had been doing just that so it was time for me to not only say "This is it." but then DO something. Take some sort of action.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by thoughts
I appreciate people's suggestions of AA, but, respectfully, it's just not for me.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 25
Hey DayTrader,
Sorry if there was any confusion. That wasn't really directed toward any one person, it actually could have stood as its own post. There was nothing to that beyond its face value. The reason that I wrote that was because, prior to ever joining/posting in this forum visited quite a bit, I know that the suggestion to join AA comes up quite a bit. I know that AA works for a lot of people, and that the suggestion is given with the best intentions, and so I just wanted to say that I'm not really interested in joining. That's all!
Sorry if there was any confusion. That wasn't really directed toward any one person, it actually could have stood as its own post. There was nothing to that beyond its face value. The reason that I wrote that was because, prior to ever joining/posting in this forum visited quite a bit, I know that the suggestion to join AA comes up quite a bit. I know that AA works for a lot of people, and that the suggestion is given with the best intentions, and so I just wanted to say that I'm not really interested in joining. That's all!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
I use the tools of AA and the program of recovery of AA (the steps) and I have them intertwined into my daily life. I spend more time in joy today. I am accountable to other people and I have things to do to prevent a relapse. I have a "design for living" today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: California
Posts: 499
Well it's been a little over a year since my first and last attempt to quit. I knew I was done. Not to say I didn't feel like crap for a while, went through a whole repertoire of emotions, and unfortunately still have some carry over neurological stuff...but what do I expect after abusing myself for almost 30 years.
But yep..when I decided done was done..I was done. Kick myself for not making that decision sooner.
But yep..when I decided done was done..I was done. Kick myself for not making that decision sooner.
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