Honestly, I don't know what I want from my life or what I'm doing with my life. I feel like it's wherever the wind blows. I have vague ideas of what I want down the road, but no clear ideas on how to get there. Back to school is one. A different career than the one I'm in now. RAH could be with me, or not. He's never been abusive, drinking or not, and he's a good dad to DS12 (whose bio-dad is a piece of work) and the baby, and I can use the help at home and the extra paycheck. That's basically how we're living now. On the other hand, that's not a marriage. We've known each other since we were kids, and we've got a LOT of history. I care about him a lot, and he's made a ton of real progress. Not quacky progress, but real progress. I'm back and forth between sticking it out a few more years and putting in the work and just cutting my losses. Neither feels good. The noise from family is not helping.
are you in AL ANON? i have not read you working your honest program....
are you still playing the VICTIM role here? are you looking for validation?....
Fourmaggie, I appreciate your input, especially the first PP above, but I can't stand the finger-wagging stuff. Al-anon basically doesn't exist in my area. I went to the one meeting here several times to find a group of folks who were trying to find their zen by sticking it out through physically abusive, actively drunken relationships, and congratulating themselves on "detaching" from their alcoholic spouses for decades in the same household. If that's recovery, I don't want it. Individual counseling and SR is it for me. And marital/individual counseling with an addiction specialist, if I can get one to return my calls.