Hi Chillgal,
At this point I would be happy if my AH was even trying AA....I think I would be afraid to go for the reasons you say...because for me..all I see in my AH is lies still because he is still active.
I think you know what is best for you...maybe later you might change your mind...Maybe not...but if you don't feel you want to go...don't. I think individually we all need to do whats best for OUR own recoveries...us and our A. As a couple you need to do what is best for you too...but I think that comes after you as an individual...if you don't have your own recovery there is no true recovery for the couple either.
just ask your HP for guidance and you will know what you need and want to do. No one can fault you for what you decide either way..you know whats best for you..believe in that!!!