Can't speak for others, but I know why I stayed in many dysfunctional relationships. Here's my top five ...
- Had an alcoholic father who would abandon us constantly. The thought of losing yet another person was too much for me to handle.
- I used to get all my self-esteem from external sources. I felt "loved" when I was in a relationship. Didn't matter if it was a bad relationship. When I was alone, I felt unloved and unworthy. Which is how I felt as a child.
- Spending my time worrying about and trying to fix my boyfriends and family members gave me very little time to look at myself and actually address some of the issues which were causing me to stay in dysfunctional relationships.
- I was shamed so much as a child that I felt that EVERYTHING was my fault. So, when abusive boys/men treated me badly it sort of confirmed what I already felt about myself.
- Living is a state of chaos was what I was used to as a child. Crazy boys/men that needed fixing felt comfortable to me. I also think that somewhere deep down I thought if I successfully fixed a boyfriend that I might be able to fix my father. Never succeeded at either, but boy did I keep trying!
I do understand how difficult it is to let people follow their own paths (whether it's an addict not getting help or a codependent partner/spouse staying with an addict). But we are all on our own journey and it's a process that everyone takes at their own pace.
I have found it best when I try to stick with simply share my own experience, strength, and hope (ESH).
Thank you for letting me share.
db