I will think about that and yes, I don't want to contribute to the problem. When I was back east he got some minor help, and yeah, I see what you'all are saying. I went to some counselling that was offered through social assistance last year, only 6 times I was allowed to go, I think that's what helped me get out of living with him. Counselling is expensive but maybe I'm eligible for more counselling now that I'm living in a new neighbourhood...I can try local social services. In the meantime I will keep going to 12 step groups, thank you all for your insights, sharing and experience. I know that you all have had similar feelings and it means a lot to me, like I said this board is real important to me and hopefully I can also give back, I hope. This is breaking my heart. But I will keep praying and try to do the next right thing.