It's weird...I haven't been alone in almost 7 years. I mean I have been alone while he is at work etc, but never alone in the sense that no one will be walking in the door or apparently calling. It is relaxing to know that there will be no fight tonight and I don't have to pretend that everything is ok anymore, but I am still upset that he doesn't seem to give a **** that I am not there...hasn't even called to see if I am alive. We haven't spoken since I went to bed last night. It was really strange to leave the apartment we have shared for the past 5 years. It felt really final, like I might not ever be able to call it my home again. And it's funny...all his talk this week about building a better future for us and going on vacations and I tell him I need space to think about if I am going to leave him and he acts like I am some girl he met a week ago, not the supposed love of his life. I actually woke up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking I should go out to the living room (he slept on the couch) and lay with him for a few minutes because it could be the last time we touch each other. I feel so dumb.