Very nervous

Old 03-29-2012, 04:38 PM
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Very nervous

I have decided to go to my mothers house for the weekend to clear my head...I can't seem to do that with my bf here. Kinda hard to decide whether or not to leave for good with him around talking about our future positively all week. I feel guilty and scared because we have never spent a night apart and he will know that this is big. I guess it's scary because it makes it real to me, and because I am expecting a bad reaction. I am telling him in just a few minutes...wish me luck.
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:44 PM
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Good luck...I remember the first time i did this with my EXBF, I cried the entire time i was over at my moms becuase i knew we were at the end of our 6 yaer journey. After that i moved out, he went to rehab and we tried to make it work living apart...he continued to fall and nto get better....ALWAYS listen to your gut and what it is telling you. The best advice i got on this site BY FAR, was... when you decide to leave and you get lonley and want to come back, ask if you want HIM and the toxic relationship you have with the Fantasy of what it could be, or do you want your current relationship. I wised up and knew i wanted what I thought we could be, not what we were.
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:33 PM
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Thank you. It was pretty brutal. He was going on and on about how he can't wait to go to our vacation spot this year and planning all the fun we will have. I wanted to wait to tell him, but since I am leaving tomorrow I had to tell him now. I feel so guilty, but at the same time he is still sticking by his guns. He didn't do anything wrong, he is just going through a bad time, and he "didn't think I would judge him like everyone else." He thought I was different. That was a low blow.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:03 AM
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its all part of the disease....you do whats rite in YOUR gut...not heart...any way you can get to a meeting then?
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Krys View Post
I feel so guilty,
You feel guilty because...? Are you duty-bound to stay with this person? Do you OWE him something?

Originally Posted by Krys View Post
He didn't do anything wrong
He's making excuses.

Originally Posted by Krys View Post
he is just going through a bad time
He's not taking responsibility for his CHOICES.

Originally Posted by Krys View Post
he "didn't think I would judge him like everyone else." He thought I was different.
Manipulation. He's victimizing himself while demeaning you.

Every single thing that's coming out of his mouth is manipulative. Now, what has he DONE to prove that he's committed to recovery and/or your relationship?

Think about those things this week-end...
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Old 03-30-2012, 01:17 PM
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You guys are totally right, and I know that, but it just hurts. What hurts the most is that the discussion I told you all about last night took about 15 minutes. No crying, no begging, no yelling, just a "well I guess I won't see you when I get home." The fact that I have put everything into this relationship for the last 6.5 years and he is willing to let me walk out that easy is really sad. Maybe it sounds silly, but I expected a little more after almost 7 years. I am a little nervous that he will have the girl he has been talking to over here while I am gone, but I am not going to let it stop me from going...I just hope I don't walk in on anything when I get home. Cheating or not (he has not admitted to anything) he lied to me...and I am not ok with that. Gonna go finish packing so I can go before he gets home. Thanks again guys, it means a lot to have a place to come now.
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Old 03-30-2012, 01:26 PM
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Enjoy your weekend, put on your thinking cap, the answer is there, you just need to find and accept it.
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:17 PM
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It's weird...I haven't been alone in almost 7 years. I mean I have been alone while he is at work etc, but never alone in the sense that no one will be walking in the door or apparently calling. It is relaxing to know that there will be no fight tonight and I don't have to pretend that everything is ok anymore, but I am still upset that he doesn't seem to give a **** that I am not there...hasn't even called to see if I am alive. We haven't spoken since I went to bed last night. It was really strange to leave the apartment we have shared for the past 5 years. It felt really final, like I might not ever be able to call it my home again. And it's funny...all his talk this week about building a better future for us and going on vacations and I tell him I need space to think about if I am going to leave him and he acts like I am some girl he met a week ago, not the supposed love of his life. I actually woke up in the middle of the night in a panic thinking I should go out to the living room (he slept on the couch) and lay with him for a few minutes because it could be the last time we touch each other. I feel so dumb.
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:34 PM
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He is an addict, his priorty is alcohol, addicts are all about Me, Me, I, I...not my rules, just how it works. He is a garden variety addict, manipulation is his forte, he knows your weak spots and hits them head on.

Stop thinking about him and his issues, spend this weekend focusing on you...and, I would suggest no contact, believe me, he will be just fine, doing his own thing.
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:55 PM
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Thanks Dollydo, I am trying. He is sure as Hell not thinking of me so I am trying my best to fill my head up with school work whenever hope, love, and blame creep in.
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Old 03-31-2012, 06:55 AM
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i am sorry that you did not get what you wanted when you left...expectations is hard...

but this is part of his disease...your not #1...the booze is....
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Old 03-31-2012, 08:21 AM
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I really don't think he thought I would go through with it. He wound up texting me and sending me a msg on Facebook (although why he didn't just call is a mystery) asking if I was at my moms. I struggled with whether or not to answer and wound up sending him a text back that just said yes 2 hours later. He sent one back saying he wanted to make sure I was ok, was going to bed, and would talk to me tomorrow. I don't know if I should answer the call if he does decide to pick up the phone.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:07 AM
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I found out the hard way that communication with my XAH makes it so much worse. I would cling to the "empty promises" and he could manipulate me so easily into believing that he could not do this without me and I would return or let him come home...over and over again!!! He always played on that "guilt" or "pity" I felt and I finally had to learn to stop dragging myself through the dirt. Frankly, everything that comes out of his mouth is BS and that hurts but it's the truth.
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:16 AM
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I have to go back to our apartment Monday night. I am trying to use this time to get my thoughts together and figure out if I want to leave for good or give him another chance (if he agrees to get help for himself and for us as a couple later on down the road). It would be great if while I am off talking to myself (lol) he decides his life stinks and wants to get help, but I highly doubt it. So chances are I will have to have contact one way or another for the next couple of weeks because he will be in the apartment while I am packing etc. I just hope he doesn't change his mind and decide to leave the apartment before I do. He hasn't paid his half of the rent in 2 months and if he leaves me there alone you can bet your ass my landlord is going to come after me for his half. Ugh. This is a lovely mess I've gotten myself into!
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Old 03-31-2012, 09:34 AM
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Good luck. It's hard but you will survive and later on down the road you will feel a whole lot better. Separation is never easy. Hang tough with your convictions.
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