Originally Posted by
Florence 
I need to make sure that some loopholes are closed no matter what direction I want to go in. One of those loopholes is, "Saving it: Is it possible?" The other one I'm worrying over is, "Saving it: Is it worth it?" "Possible" is one thing, "worth it" is another.
Why is it your responsibility alone to ensure that everything has been done to save the relationship? What part does he play in all this? Have his actions demonstrated that he is committed to working on the relationship? Furthermore, while you are trying or considering trying to save this relationship, what happens to your children?
Furthermore, I'd like to plunk this idea down: just because you separate now doesn't mean it will be for life. If it's meant to happen, God/HP/the universe will bring you back together.
Case and point: my aunt and her previously abusive/alcoholic husband. They married in their late teens/early twenties, and two kids later, it was a disaster. He abused her, he abused the kids, his stepfather rapped the kids, she tried to leave him, he tried to have her committed...yadda yadda yadda.
Fast forward 15 years and many many thousands of dollars of therapy, they meet up again as my grandmother is dying. They fall in love again, and get remarried. They are each other' first and third spouses. He has been sober for 3 years, tobacco-free for as long, he is in AA permanently and he continues to go to counselling. Aside from that fact that he is battling two different forms of cancer, they are quite happy to be together. So, in their case, it was truly "meant to be", but they had to let go of one another for other things to take place.