I have learned that education is a powerful tool. The more I researched Alcoholism and Codependency the more I understood the common symptoms, thoughts, and effects. Education was a way to separate myself from the situation and analyze it with a birds-eye view to make more logical and fitting decisions. I feel if I weren’t so naïve in the past I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache, tears, and possibly years.
I also learned that your gut instinct is usually spot on. If something feels wrong it is. Trust that little voice inside. I don’t know how many times I ignored those butterflies telling me that my then AH would be on a tirade when I returned home, or that he was drinking despite him telling me that he wasn’t. You also have to turn to that voice inside when seeking answers. Only you knows what to do. Only you can make the decision of how much is enough. That voice makes all of our situations unique, because we are all different. There is not a “one size fits all” answer despite or situations being so alike visually.
Most importantly I learned that you have to love yourself. If you don’t love yourself then you open yourself up to the sporadic chaotic rollercoaster an addict’s manipulations can cause. Loving myself tells me that it is okay to say “no.” It is okay to disengage from the chaos. It is healthy for me to take care of my needs before others that can take care of themselves. It is important to feel at peace within.