Blogs


Notices

Question about addicts.....What have you learned?

Old 03-27-2012, 01:38 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: mission viejo, ca
Posts: 134
Question Question about addicts.....What have you learned?

What is your piece of advice to pass down?

I have been reading a lot of post lately on this site and I am amazed on all the really great advice people have on everything from how to leave your addict, how to live with your addict, how to understand your addict and how to get over you addict.

Out of all the advice from just living with your situation and reading all the forms, what is the biggest lesions you have learned the most or words of wisdom do you have for people going through all this?

justrae83 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to justrae83 For This Useful Post:
cherylxxx2 (03-29-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 02:19 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
LucyA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
No one can love the addiction away.
LucyA is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to LucyA For This Useful Post:
FedUpWith2Brats (04-01-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), jolinda (03-29-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), m1k3 (03-27-2012), mayalewiston (03-27-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), Terminally Unique (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), wicked (03-27-2012), Zoenob (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 02:25 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
The biggest thing I learned had nothing to do with my AW, it had to do with me.

That was, I don't need anyone else to complete me, to make me whole or anything else. I have learned to love me, to respect me and to take care of me.

Your friend,
m1k3 is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to m1k3 For This Useful Post:
AllAboutheGirls (03-28-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), fourmaggie (03-27-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), lillamy (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), LucyA (03-27-2012), Marytherboo (03-29-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), worriedwife2 (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 02:35 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
I learned to just expect my alcoholic will lie.

Someone here at SR told me that, and it has been the single most helpful piece of wisdom.
SoaringSpirits is offline  
The Following 15 Users Say Thank You to SoaringSpirits For This Useful Post:
AllAboutheGirls (03-28-2012), booksanddolls (03-27-2012), CatLover1234 (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), lillamy (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), m1k3 (03-27-2012), Marytherboo (03-29-2012), mayalewiston (03-27-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), tabatha (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), Zoenob (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 02:40 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
ODAT63's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Orem UT
Posts: 312
that happiness is really an inside job and so is loving yourself.
ODAT63 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to ODAT63 For This Useful Post:
akalacha (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), Katiekate (03-27-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), m1k3 (03-27-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 02:42 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location:    USA                        Recovered with AVRT  (Rational Recovery)  ___________
Posts: 3,680
  1. Addiction expands into the tolerance that surrounds it.

  2. Addiction is a black hole that consumes all of a family's financial and emotional resources, and then still demands more.

  3. Addicted people will maintain their addiction until they can no longer get away with it, down to the wire.

From a PhD (Phormer Drunk)
Terminally Unique is offline  
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to Terminally Unique For This Useful Post:
akalacha (03-27-2012), catlovermi (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), FedUpWith2Brats (04-01-2012), fourmaggie (03-27-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), m1k3 (03-27-2012), Marytherboo (03-29-2012), MsMahon (03-28-2012), naive (03-28-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), RedCandle (03-27-2012), tabatha (03-27-2012), Thumper (03-27-2012), tjp613 (03-27-2012), Ursula745 (03-27-2012), Zoenob (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 03:28 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by SoaringSpirits View Post
I learned to just expect my alcoholic will lie.

Someone here at SR told me that, and it has been the single most helpful piece of wisdom.
I second this. I'm still trying to unravel the lies that my AH has told to me and to other people.
booksanddolls is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to booksanddolls For This Useful Post:
Florence (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), naive (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 03:39 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thumper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,444
People will show you who they are. Believe them. Listen to their actions, not their words.

Hope is not a strategy.
A goal is not a plan.
Thumper is offline  
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Thumper For This Useful Post:
CatLover1234 (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), Florence (03-28-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), lillamy (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), marie1960 (03-27-2012), mdh0723 (03-28-2012), ODAT63 (03-28-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), tabatha (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), Wing (03-29-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 03:45 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: SERENITY
Posts: 58
Ive learn all of this:

Cant play the piano (me) when the lid is down.

I'm responsible for my own life.

Detachment is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but the agony of involvement.

Whose problem is it?

This is my life, is this where I want to be?

I was more alone with the alcoholic, than when I am without him.

Dont expect anything more out of the alcoholic than he is capable of, and he is not capable of anything.

Learning to forgive and let go or it will eat me up inside.

My sponsor told me to "Give the alcoholic the dignity to go to hell if they chose to and that is the only place they will go if they continue to drink. Alcoholism can take you places (hell) that you would never dream you'd go"
Alanonic is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Alanonic For This Useful Post:
FedUpWith2Brats (04-01-2012), GoodKarma (03-28-2012), jolinda (03-29-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), mdh0723 (03-28-2012), ODAT63 (03-28-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 03:47 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Linkmeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
All of the above........
Linkmeister is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Linkmeister For This Useful Post:
LucyA (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 04:13 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
...not falling down them
 
stairs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Blog Entries: 72
We cannot control anyone but ourselves.
stairs is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to stairs For This Useful Post:
akalacha (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), lillamy (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), outtolunch (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), wicked (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 04:34 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
akalacha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 225
The biggest thing(s) I have learned about addiction-
I didn't cause it
I can't control it
I can't cure it
akalacha is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to akalacha For This Useful Post:
LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 04:40 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 234
We are not powerless, but rather powerful.
keepfinding2 is offline  
Old 03-27-2012, 04:42 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 234
We are not powerless over alcohol/drugs, but rather powerful.
keepfinding2 is offline  
Old 03-27-2012, 04:50 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
 
fourmaggie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
The biggest thing I learned had nothing to do with my AW, it had to do with me.

I have learned to love me, to respect me and to take care of me.
totally AGREE with this for MOI too
fourmaggie is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to fourmaggie For This Useful Post:
ODAT63 (04-11-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 05:13 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
BeYourself's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 8
That they won't quit until they're good and ready, and I am powerless to help them get to that point.
BeYourself is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BeYourself For This Useful Post:
fhl41 (03-27-2012), mayalewiston (03-27-2012), ODAT63 (04-11-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 05:19 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
LucyA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
sometimes, when you say what you think, they bury their heads in the sand and imagine that others can't think for themselves either and try to bury other peoples heads too.
LucyA is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to LucyA For This Useful Post:
fedup3 (03-28-2012), Linkmeister (03-27-2012), SuzyMarie (04-02-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 05:29 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 194
God made him...

God will take care of him. Let go and let God.
Ursula745 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Ursula745 For This Useful Post:
fedup3 (03-28-2012), justrae83 (03-28-2012), Marytherboo (03-29-2012), mdh0723 (04-01-2012), SoloMio (03-28-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 05:37 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 16
The biggest thing I learned was about myself, and not about the addict. I learned that I've spent my life looking to others for happiness by seeking their neverending adoration and love. It wasn't until that got me in a relationship with someone who could never offer it that I learned I will be much happier if I stop thinking I need it.
littlemutt is offline  
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to littlemutt For This Useful Post:
boldaslove (03-27-2012), fedup3 (03-28-2012), FedUpWith2Brats (04-01-2012), fhl41 (03-27-2012), jolinda (03-29-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), Linkmeister (03-28-2012), LucyA (03-28-2012), ODAT63 (03-28-2012), stella27 (03-29-2012), SuzyMarie (04-02-2012), tabatha (03-27-2012), Tuffgirl (03-28-2012), wicked (03-27-2012)
Old 03-27-2012, 05:54 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
I'll third the response on expect lies.
I learned to believe the actions and not the promises, apologies, and excuses.
When they say you are too good for them and that they don't deserve you -BELIEVE THEM!- it may be the only time they're telling the truth.
I also learned: That I had an addiction to damaged men
That I confused compassion and pity for real and healthy love
That I will run like hell if a man ever tells me he ever had a
long term addiction to anything.
tabatha is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to tabatha For This Useful Post:
boldaslove (03-27-2012), LifeRecovery (03-27-2012), mayalewiston (03-27-2012), ODAT63 (03-28-2012), SuzyMarie (04-02-2012), Wing (03-29-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:01 AM.