Well I may have just sunk myself but I emailed the person that is supposed to help me out in this situation and basicaly bared all (minus drinking) pretty much in the hope that he will help and understand. That may have been a mistake only time will tell but either way I feel better about it. At this point I am ready to throw in the towel on this job anyway as I view it as one of the biggest mistakes I have made since taking up my current occupation. I have two and a half more years then it might just be time for me to find new pastures whatever they may be. Here is hoping that he dosen't just throw me under a bus or write me off, and I am able to continue on without this being a horrible wrench in my life. either way it is off of my chest and I am prepared (I think) to face whatever may come. Amazing how much i realize that my life does in some ways suck without alcohol to fog everything over and just make me an inefectual uncaring zombie.
I am already starting to feel better jsut because I have said something even if it is over email to someone else, and here of course. This last 6 months have been a learning experience that is for sure.