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Facing repercussions

Old 03-28-2012, 11:37 PM
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Facing repercussions

I know this is probably not the proper place to put this but I don't really have anywhere else, if the mods feel that it needs to be deleted or moved please feel free to do so.

Basicaly I have a job that I have massively failed at and may be facing some severe repercusions because of this. I am trying to prepare myself for them but am still really nervous. I have convinced myself to be honest and forthright with my failings, but have not told anyone about my past alcohol abuse. I am freaking out right now, but have told myself that I am willing to face whatever the consequences are for my actions and lack thereof. I know my failings are because of my own lazyness and lack of interest in my job. I am strongly considering getting out of my current carrer of the last 8 years as it does not bring me any happieness and was one of the reasons that I drank. This is not a danger to my sobriety as I do not drink anymore and know that drinking is part of the reason I am in this mess in the first place. I used to use alcohol as my excuse for my failures but know now that it was at best a contributor not the primary reason. I do not know if I am ready to face what is going to happen to me but I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. I don't expect any specific response it is just that this website has been my only social outlet for a while and it helps to express my thoughts and feelings to others even if they are strangers. Man I am going to be in for a few earfulls from certain people. I know that i deserve it all, I just don't know how this is going to play out. Man I am a nervous wreak right now (but to look at me you wouldn't know it). I hope you all are having a better day than me, and thanks for taking the time to listen.
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:52 PM
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I hope things work out better than you fear they will INH - who knows...remember your recent review? you thought you were gonna carpeted and everything was fine

good for you on not drinking

D
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:59 PM
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Carpeted is a new one for me, but the jury on the review is still out. It went pretty badly I just didn't get fired, yet. and that coupled with what is going on now I am going to be slammed and I know it. I accept that though and really think that it might be time for a carrer change, as I think if I find something that holds my interest I will be a lot happier, and right now this job is making me the opposite of happy. I honestly hope a little that they just kick me out of it and send me back to the states. I don't like it out here anymore and really want to just go home for a little while on vacation. I don't know maybe I am just burnt out. Everything is comming to a head and it is making me nervous, but I do know that no matter what the sun will rise I may get fired but that is not the end of the world. If nothing else one good thing about this is that I quit drinking I have to focus on that. Because I can't guarentee that if I didn't have this particular position I would have realized that it was a problem and worked at it. So if nothing else I got that handled. I am kinda viewing it as a consulation prize but in reality ong run it will probably be the best thing to come out of this.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:02 AM
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By the way Dee I love the avatars you have been switching to recently (me trying to have a positive additude in the face of adversity). Small things focus on the small hapienesses. Hell who knows I might be able to move in with my sister if things go completley to hell that would be pretty cool. She has already said she would like it. We get along really well (even thought we aren't much alike) and could use each others company, as we are both kind of going through a transition in life.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:11 AM
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Hello poppet,

First of all, sorry if my mornin's sunshine seemed out of place. I sent it before I read all of this. Man, I am so sorry for all yr trouble. I'm glad you're managing to find a positive slant on it all - that's an amazing reaction and I bow to you. Sometimes it's good when somethng takes a difficult decision out of your hands, and coupled with your quitting the booze...I dunno, maybe this is the right path for you. A real new beginning.

However it pans out, we're right here.

Love you darlin, will drop in all day to say hi xxx
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:12 AM
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere View Post
By the way Dee I love the avatars you have been switching to recently .
PS me too - have just noticed you in the background...muppet
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:30 AM
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Originally Posted by stillsleeping View Post
First of all, sorry if my mornin's sunshine seemed out of place. I sent it before I read all of this.
No worries there is no way you could have known, that is half the problem no one does except me and the people I am pissing off because of my incompidence. One reason why I almost hope they kick me because then at least I might have friends and family to talk to. I am getting really sick of not having that hence why I am here all the time. Like I said only social outlet anymore. I have Facebook but can't bring myself to post this kind of stuff in front of everyone I know, if there is an option to only let certain people see posts I need to learn it. Thanks for the condolences, I generaly tend to take life with a huge grain of salt, so while yes it is bothering the bejesus out of me at the same time I know that one day no matter what it will be in the past, and I will have to move on. that is a byproduct of my complacente work ethic as well unfortunatly. But again thanks, getting this out and other peoples responses helps calm me down a little.
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:37 AM
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Hey, isn't that what this place is about? Dee doesn't seem to mind you bringing it here - it will definitely impact on your sobriety, even if just to reinforce it. Hang in there hon xxx
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:48 AM
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INH

I am really trying to deal with what is happening rather than what might happen. I only know realise I have a strong tendency to predict disaster. In part my job also encourages this tendency as part of our various risk mitigation strategies etc etc.

Most of the things I predict and 'deal with' never happen anyway!!

In any event you strike me as someone who can deal with things- and as long as alcohol is not impairing your performance- you will do your best under the circumstances
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Old 03-29-2012, 12:58 AM
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sorry INH - Aussie/UK term...

'carpeted'
carpet verb ( -peted , -peting ) [ trans. ] ... Brit., informal reprimand severely.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:14 AM
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A new beginning is often a good thing. Just hope its not too difficult to face the deliberations.
I hope you get through it and start to plan a new change and direction for yourself but if it's forced on you it doesn't always mean the worse.
All the best John.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:25 AM
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Originally Posted by instant View Post
I only know realise I have a strong tendency to predict disaster.
I know that i am the same way, I freak out because I assume the worst is going to happen it usually doesn't and I know that but I really do expect the worst. I don't know how this is going to work out, I am going to try to fix it, and there is a person that is "assigned" to help me so that should be handy. If I can just get a grip on my procrastination, and fear of asking for help that would go a long way for me but I haven't yet been able to do that. I also hate being in a new situation, I like the familiar and this duty has thrown me for a loop. Breath in Breath out. I just need to get some stuff done that I should have done a long time ago, but have been putting off because I don't want to face my own ignorance. I have started to think that coming onto my current job was the biggiest mistake I have made in a long time. how much of this anxiety is because of no alcohol I don't know it could be that without its normal copeing mechanism my brain is just going haywire I don't know but man i am fearfull today. I think it is just that I don't operate well in the independent enviroment in which I find myself. I am used to having someone present and physcial to answer to and I need that. not random people 1000 miles away that I have never even meet before. its just a matter of days till my replacment gets here I know that and I can't wait. He is a good guy it seems though he probably won't be happy with me and the mess I am handing off to him, oh well he will tell me what to do and I will do it. I need that guidance I think.

Oh yeah and thanks Dee for that explination, we don't have that one in the states that I am aware of anyway.

And Yes stillsleeping I was thinking about it earlier and if nothing else this situation it not shaking but solidifying my comitment to stay sober. It proves all the more to me that were I drinking I know this would be worse at least in my head it would be. The only problem is that it now removes my convienient excuse I am no longer bad at my job because I am a drunk, I am bad at my job because I am a incompitent. I am not sure which is better in the eyes of an employer but I am sure that at least now I am aware of it and can work on it now that I am not able to blame my drinking.
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:00 AM
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Hey sweetie, just dropping in to check up on you. I'm really glad you're still posting, and hangin in there.

Go easy on the incompotence (how the h*ll do you spell that??) - it doesn't sound so much like you're rubbish, so much as have been lazy. Well, booze is a depressant as well as a poison, and makes most of us rubbish at our jobs. I'm not saying you should blame your scew up on the booze, but don't dwell on it. It's gone now, just like the sauce. You're a new man. Deal with this, get it past you, and do better next time.

You rock. You've got plans.

Love, Still
xx
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:06 AM
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Well I may have just sunk myself but I emailed the person that is supposed to help me out in this situation and basicaly bared all (minus drinking) pretty much in the hope that he will help and understand. That may have been a mistake only time will tell but either way I feel better about it. At this point I am ready to throw in the towel on this job anyway as I view it as one of the biggest mistakes I have made since taking up my current occupation. I have two and a half more years then it might just be time for me to find new pastures whatever they may be. Here is hoping that he dosen't just throw me under a bus or write me off, and I am able to continue on without this being a horrible wrench in my life. either way it is off of my chest and I am prepared (I think) to face whatever may come. Amazing how much i realize that my life does in some ways suck without alcohol to fog everything over and just make me an inefectual uncaring zombie. I am already starting to feel better jsut because I have said something even if it is over email to someone else, and here of course. This last 6 months have been a learning experience that is for sure.
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:19 AM
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Hi INH
I read a lot of your posts over the past 3 months and can only hope that things sort themselves out for you. I learnt early that telling the truth tends to work, as a young Billy I had a boss who knew when you had ducked up, if you admitted to it, he just bawled you out and forgot about it, if you tried to cover it up, he would haul you over the coals (another anglicism = carpetting) for weeks after that.

From what I have seen of you, you have grown so much in strength these past months that you can take whatever happens in your stride, you know that drink is your enemy, so you wont confide in him.

Hope it sorts itself, and keep posting, we are here to listen, we dont judge. I have seen so many things on these forums, the honesty is the strength. I have got enough portraits in my attic, so I cant talk
Billy
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:24 AM
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Yeah, I'm glad you've mad a positive move - taking back a bit of control must feel good. And if this new guy is any good, he'll recognise that you're trying to make positive steps and make his job when he gets there a little easier.

You don't want to be a zomble. Even the sht in life is better than that. You're going to come through this feelin good that you did. And I know we're 1000 miles away (or not. geography isn't great) but we don't give up on you.

Thinkin about you xxx
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:21 AM
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If you believe your drinking played a part in this isn't it dishonest to give them only partial information to base their decisions on? At this point don't you owe them (at last) to meet their minimum expectations of responsibility and honesty from their employees?

Without doing that and letting them know you've taken actions to remedy this problem you are still operating on a sub-par level as an employee. By coming clean with them now and staying that way you approach the standards they hold for those they've hired and trusted to perform for their business.

You'll need to continually meet the conventional standards at some point, in this job or another. Putting that off serves no purpose I can see.
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:29 AM
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Transitions can be tough but you're sober and you have both the tools to deal with it and options to pursue. You'll be in my thoughts. Just remember, it's just a job, not your life. We keep showing up until they tell us not to, anymore.
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:38 AM
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Thanks everyone I am a lot more calm now I was really freaking out this morning, i think getting the other guy involved and just letting him "have it" really helped. Basicaly I think it comes down to I don't do all that well in an independent enviroment, I need that present structure, (probably not the right way to say that) to be productive otherwise I let things go by the wayside. I also have a strong tendency to be a parinoid SOB and assume the worst will happen in every situation. That isn't a good way to operate and obviously has me a nervous wreak at times. Once again sorry if I came off as pleading for attention, as that is how it sounds to me in retrospection, and it might be a little bit to be honest I don't know. I know that as I said I have no one else to express my frusterations or concerns to except for here so I do. I am starting to think that what someone on the March newcommers thread might be a good idea especially now that i am not drinking and have a clearer head, I might want to see a counselor/therepist whenever I get a chance. That won't be for a while though,but the idea is rolling.

especially sober I might as well be honest with you all I have been pretty closed about what I do for a living, but it may shed some light on why I freak out the way I do and don't tell my superiours about my "issues". I am in the Marines and have a clearence, so that is the reason for the hush hush on my alcohol troubles because that would put my clearence and hence my job in danger. I am no security risk as I don't do anything stupid even while drunk, or if I do it is within the confines of my house. However, just that can be a big red flag and is I dont know how it would be handeled. If I was not on the current duty that i am then it wouldn't be a problem, I could just self admit and no harm no foul, but not out here. That is also one reason why I freak out so much becasue it is a little more than a job to me, I have lived and breathed this life for 8 years, its just who I am, its not like I could just quit and start job hunting again, hell I don't even know how to write a resume. I could learn obviously and I am seriously thinking about getting out after this next enlistment as I am not sure this is making me happy anymore either. I have a few years to decide though and eventually I will be off of this assignment and back to the regular operating forces (I can't wait I miss it).

Especially where I have been stationed, (all small obscure places), the only company for the most part that I have had for a very long time has been fellow Marines and trust me it is an entirelly different culture than the rest of America. By comparison we are rude, brash, and arrogant, but there is a deffinet "brotherhood" and commraderie. If I do get out I don't quite know how I would handle the "outside". I haven't had to operate in that setting for a long time. Oh well like I said I have calmed down a lot since this morning.

The guy that I emailed gave me a short list of things to do, as I admitted to him that I am the type to need direction, he seems okay with my email, and is not going to hold some kind of inquisition. So I will work on getting what he expects of me done and then move on from there. I only have a couple of weeks that I have to hold out until my replacment gets here and then I will have him to tell me what is what and when to be where. Once that happens I think I will be doing a lot better. I don't know if that is a sign of weakness or not but one thing I think i am good at is introspection and comming up with an honest if a little harsh assesment of myself. One thing I have realized is that if someone isn't telling me to do it and when to have it done by it probably isn't going to get done. unless of course I like doing it, which is not the case here at all. I miss my old job, I fix radios in the regular forces and have no problem with being outside in 120 degrees with a wrench and a pair of wire cutters installing a radio into a vehice that is fun. Administrative stuff however, I hate with a fiery passion. That is why i am thinking about getting out, because I can see that since I have been in for a while and have picked up a few ranks that is the direction in which my carrer is headed. I am not sure I like the view.
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Old 03-29-2012, 11:38 AM
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Just read thru your latest posts INH, the tone of them seems to say "I don't really like where I'm at or what I'm doing". Something to consider is that you only get so many years to stroll around this planet, why waste them going thru the motions in a position you could care less about.

Don't know what your options are but it seems that a transfer out of there might not be the end of the world. If you have zero interest in staying in after your time is up then in the whole scheme of things maybe just laying your cards on the table might not be such a bad idea. I would never tell them about the drinking tho, having that on your records can and will come back to haunt you. Anyhow, hope it all works out for the best.
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