Hi Madison,
I can sense anxiety, sorrow, pain, frustration and fear. Maybe its coming from your post...maybe its coming from my memory in reading your post...maybe both.
A relationship that involves addiction and codependency, without solid recovery, is traumatic. Trauma does injury...the injury takes time and a concerted effort to heal. You are taking the steps to heal. Please keep trying to what is best for you. "Crazy-making" is not just a descriptive term...it can be an objective fact. I know treatment facilities here where the whole program is based upon healing people from trauma.
Emotionally you are suffering from whiplash. And so is your ex. I used to have resentment that my ex disappeared with crack. Then I realized that every time he used I "disappeared" because I would kick him out of my house. I should not have been in relationship with him and I was...and by being in relationship with him I was contributing to his trauma and facilitating my own.
You are the only one that can offer reliability and responsibility for your own well being and in so doing for your daughters as well. I'm so glad you found a meeting, and really proud of you for being open, honest and vulnerable here. Thank you, I honor you for your courage to be open. Honesty is the only way to get help to stay on a path toward healing.