I really appreciate the other thread about addicts. It helps me to really think along those lines and I get a lot out of reading other people's thoughts.
In a similar vane, what is the thing you've learned about codependency that you carry with you in your daily life now? That is a big question for me because I have learned so much and am still learning a lot. It is hard to throw out a couple of lines but since I started the thread I guess I must
I use these three thoughts in all areas of my life and I feel they are so important to who I want to be as a person.
Help is what I do for others who _can not_ do it for themselves.
Enabling is what I do for others who _can_ do for it for themselves.
This keeps my blood pressure and life manageable and leaves others with their self respect and dignity (or at least I didn't tear it down). Double win.
If I say it without being asked; it is meddling.
If I say it twice; it is manipulation.
I used to be bad with this. I am so glad I no longer say things over and over or offer 'advice or input' when it is not asked for. I think most everyone else is glad to, lol. Interestingly I absolutely hate when this is done to me so when I realized I was doing it I knew I had to pay attention!
Stay on my side of the street.
If I don't 'own' it I need to keep out of it and/or let it go. I still think this one through a lot. That keeps me from being a manipulative, meddling, raging codependent as well as saves me a lot of mental anguish because I tend to take ownership of other peoples bad feelings and try to fix it - and then I work myself into a state of anxiety, worry, guilt, etc because I am owning something that isn't mine, never was, and is not under my control. I am waaaay over there on their side of the street and ignoring mine.
I am so much more relaxed and at peace with myself, and those around me, when I put these 'rules' to work! I used to really have to think about nearly every situation before I reacted or responded to figure this out but it has become more automatic now. I still go back to saying them in my head and thinking it through when I need to, especially if I am feeling anxiety over some situation.
What about you?