Thanks for the support everyone. I guess the thing is (this is going to sound bad) I don't remember what I liked to do sober. I don't remember anything but running and listening to my music. I mean even the stuff that is supposed to be fun like getting my hair cut or just sitting outside is mundane to me. I know I should enjoy it, but I don't. I just wait until bedtime so I don't have to worry about it (until the next day). It feels like I am dragging my feet, even though I really am trying. Honestly, I dont know what I did before I drank or smoked. I started at 16 and never stopped. It's almost like I don't even know who I am anymore OR what I like to do. 10 years of drinking was my way of life and now? Shell shock is more like it. How do I learn who the hell I am when all I know is what alcohol made me???