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Two Weeks sober today. I still want to drink.

Old 03-26-2012, 02:51 PM
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Two Weeks sober today. I still want to drink.

I don't know how long this is supposed to last but it is driving me insane. My house is a wreck even though I JUST cleaned it yesterday. Im antsy, pissy and all around miserable. This weekend was BEYOND boring. AA has been helping but I mean, only for a couple hours and then I start craving. Does this ever end??? I am poud of myself for being sober for 2 weeks but at the same time I am wondering how the hell sober people are so complacent and happy. What am I supposed to do for fun?? I run, read,take baths, watch movies, yadda yadda. Nothing works. Sick of being bored. I just needed to vent. Thanks.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:56 PM
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Hey Dom...I didn't give myself time to be bored....I knew what I had to work on....And I worked on it...At two weeks I was going to 2 or 3 meetings a day and setting time aside to do stepwork....I guess I was willing to go to any lengths....It paid off.
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Old 03-26-2012, 02:59 PM
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My first month was pretty much crap - but everyone's different. And that wasn't helped one bit by the lack of sleep. Now with a few months under my belt, I'm far from bored. I'm finding more joy in my daily activities & hobbies than I ever experienced while I was drinking.

If it had taken me 6 months it would still be worth it. If it had taken me 6 years it still would have been worth it. That's how much happier I am now than where I was. It's worth the wait. Have faith - things will get much better with time.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:00 PM
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Dom, the very best thing I can do to get out of myself... my boredom, my discontent is to try to help someone else.
Did you get some AA phone numbers? Call one of the girls and ask how "her" day is going, I usually end up saying "Thank you God, I'm not THAT bad". You help the others and you get to stay sober and restored to sanity.

"We stood at the turning point; we asked for his care with complete abandon...".

All the best, Dom. Nothing is wrong. You are right where you are supposed to be !!

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Old 03-26-2012, 03:01 PM
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Dom, you need to find things in life that are fun for you, things that bring you joy. In early recovery, I tried to find things that I had enjoyed doing and began to get back to them. I made sure to take time for myself to just 'be' and that helped a lot. I also got involved in volunteer work early on and that really helped me a lot.

Big congratulations on your 2 weeks sober!
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
Hey Dom...I didn't give myself time to be bored....I knew what I had to work on....And I worked on it...At two weeks I was going to 2 or 3 meetings a day and setting time aside to do stepwork....I guess I was willing to go to any lengths....It paid off.
This is good advice. I've been volunteering at my dad's shop just to stay busy. That way, I won't sleep in until 10 or 11am every day. And guess what? He even lets me leave to go to AA meetings throughout the day.

With this plan of action, I'm now working on my 25th day of consecutive day of sobriety. (I haven't had a drink in months, but I relapsed on marijuana.)

So my best suggestion would be this: Stay active, in and out of AA. Work the steps, call your sponsor.......Do ANYTHING besides drink or use drugs. I'll admit, I get cravings to drink or use drugs on a regular basis. But I've been staying so active, that by the time I get home at night, I'm just too exhausted.

I'm really starting to see how living a disciplined way of life contributes to staying sober.

Good luck with your recovery Dom! I know you can beat this thing!
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:07 PM
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5 days today, sun is shining, off from work, thinking of hitting the store or the bar for beer. I know the feeling. Good luck to you!
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:08 PM
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Lots of good advice here. I'll just add, every time you can go to bed and haven't relapsed, you've won. Just like they say, it does get better.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:11 PM
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Hey Dominica I am gald you posted I was begining to worry a little. Congrats on sticking with it. For entertainment I have been pretty well veging out playint computer games and watching movies, but I am easily entertained like that. I played pool Saturday night and stayed sober even at a bar, for the record I am not recomending that especially if you feel tempted to drink but it worked out fine for me because I went there with the knowledge that I never drink anymore. True there were some thoughts this weekend especially the one saying that I had no obligations tomorrow so why not get blasted and have some fun. But I just had to push that aside and remember where I would be if I listened to that part of me. miserable, angry, and depressed all over again. I am no basket of roses right now but I am not kicking myself in the pants either so I am trying to take that as a pluss.

Stick with this Dominica you can do it! Its good that you are reading and getting into running both of those have got to help. What else do/did you like to do? If there was anything that you used to like but alcohol got in the way maybe you can consider getting back into it. For me Saturday it was playing pool, I used to do that drinking in the states because I could take cabs but have stopped since getting here because the cabs might hold you up and drop you halfway accross the city, and I don't speak french so I imagine it would be difficult to tell them where to go anyway. But not drinking I could drive. Not trying to get off the subject so just think about what you used to do. If you are comming up blank there then try to think about something you would like to do or might have just tickeled your fancy a little and throw yourself into it. Whatever it ends up being it has to be better than drinking. Stay Strong.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:12 PM
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Try to remember just how much time drink takes away! Now you really have time to sit and do nothing. Start looking at things close by and enjoying everything thats around.
Life is good.
I really fancy a drink , but I have to remember what a total ******* mess I made of my life with it and the good things and people who now deserve the best from me.
Oh and most of the time I was a good drunk helpful funny but I got nothing done wasted years home and work I couldn't plan and all the time I drank more and got less done and felt angry.
We just have to work through the times of boredom and find something.
John.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:23 PM
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Thanks for the support everyone. I guess the thing is (this is going to sound bad) I don't remember what I liked to do sober. I don't remember anything but running and listening to my music. I mean even the stuff that is supposed to be fun like getting my hair cut or just sitting outside is mundane to me. I know I should enjoy it, but I don't. I just wait until bedtime so I don't have to worry about it (until the next day). It feels like I am dragging my feet, even though I really am trying. Honestly, I dont know what I did before I drank or smoked. I started at 16 and never stopped. It's almost like I don't even know who I am anymore OR what I like to do. 10 years of drinking was my way of life and now? Shell shock is more like it. How do I learn who the hell I am when all I know is what alcohol made me???
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:27 PM
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Hey Dom. Sometimes finding a creative outlet can help. Drawing, painting, coloring...going for a long walk helps me a lot. Getting out of the house is a great relief. I'm lucky in that i joined I a sober club and can go there during club hours and just hang out. If there's anything like that where you live consider joining. If not, then consider joining the Y or a community center.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:28 PM
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It doesn't matter if you don't remember who you were, you're reinventing who you are. There's an entire universe full of things to do, to try. The smart ass side of me wants to simply say "Dom.. it's only been 2 weeks, you drank for HOW long?". It took me MONTHS to feel sane enough to even try new recreational/fun things sober. My body and mind had to recover from some pretty heavy duty unhealthy **** I had been doing to them for so many years. Another smart ass response: "Only boring people get bored".. I GET IT.. you don't know how to live sober yet. You just don't. You're learning, but it's such a process. Don't feel like you should be all super involved in some glorious sober life now that you haven't drank in 2 weeks.. give yourself a break.. life is much harder sober (at first). Be kind to yourself. You're inventing the person you're going to be, it doesn't matter who you were anymore.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Squizz View Post
With this plan of action, I'm now working on my 25th day of consecutive day of sobriety. (I haven't had a drink in months, but I relapsed on marijuana.)
I admire your honesty on that...You sound like someone that works the program well.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Dominica2 View Post
It's almost like I don't even know who I am anymore OR what I like to do. 10 years of drinking was my way of life and now? Shell shock is more like it. How do I learn who the hell I am when all I know is what alcohol made me???
I remember feeling this way when I quit drinking, and thinking it was all kinds of awful and wrong. I SHOULDN'T feel bad! I SHOULD feel good! Something was TERRIBLY WRONG that I didn't know what the hell to do with myself without alcohol in my life!

Then one of my friends--not even a recovery group friend!--asked me, basically, what on earth I expected sobriety to feel like. She suggested that it was really pretty irrational for me to think that it ought to be simple or easy to quit doing something that had been the center of my life for the better part of 25 years. I think the word "childish" might have been mentioned somewhere in her critique of my whining.

I wasn't happy with her, but her words woke me up. She was right. Here I'd been, drinking EVERY DAY for 2/3 of my life and I thought I was going be rendered instantly healthy and engaged in an active life without any effort.

Nope. It took a lot of effort, and baby steps. I knew I liked a few things. I liked to work out. I liked to read. Okay. I did those things more. Built up my body and mind. Got into gourmet cooking. Taught myself (now THIS was hard) how to parent my young kids. At the end of a year, I was so active and busy and interested in my life that I wondered how I'd ever found the time to drink.

So get out and do it. It's your life! Enjoy it. Take your time, and you'll find out what you love.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Dominica2 View Post
How do I learn who the hell I am when all I know is what alcohol made me???
I'm in no real position to give advice, or make suggestions. But one thing that's always helped me in this regard, is taking inventory. Putting a pen to paper really allows me to see a side of myself that I otherwise would not see.

I first started this practice in a rehab I attended in 2007, and when I do it on a regular basis, I can really start to identify where a lot of my issues lie.

Like I said, this is just what helps me. May be different for you. Maybe joining a club, sports, online activities? I recently sought out a soft-pitch league. I haven't played baseball since that very rehab in 2007, but I'd love to start playing again in the summer!

Even after getting out of jail and off drugs, I was still able to absolutely CRUSH a baseball. All of my junkie/alcoholic brethern were AMAZED. (I still ran like I had a couch on my back, though. lol.)

From there, we started watch I like to call, the "JBA" or "Junkie's Basketball Association" where we'd have pickup games of basketball. The camaraderie shared in those games was AMAZING! Seeing all the smiling faces, when just a week or two earlier, these guys looked DEATHLY ILL.

A little fellowship does go a long way!

Again, this is just my experience.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Dominica2 View Post
T I don't remember what I liked to do sober. I don't remember anything but running and listening to my music.
Okay: that's two things. Running. Listening to music. There's your start.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:42 PM
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I wanted to drink for a long time after I stooped drinking Dom - I drank for 20 years...I drank all day everyday for the last 5 years...

I drank in response to *everything*.
It took me a long time to not instinctively react that way...but eventually I did

It also took me a while to learn to live sober - I had almost no coping skills - it took me a little while to learn those too....but I did.

The important thing is you're not alone in this - and remember - I think it's natural for most of us to still want to drink, at least for a while - it's what we do in response to that want that counts

stay strong Dom - the day will come when you'll look back at this period as a simple blip in time

D
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Dominica2 View Post
Thanks for the support everyone. I guess the thing is (this is going to sound bad) I don't remember what I liked to do sober. I don't remember anything but running and listening to my music. I mean even the stuff that is supposed to be fun like getting my hair cut or just sitting outside is mundane to me.
That doesn't sound bad. It sounds familiar. I started drinking about the same age. In the beginning I was drinking to supplement activities. Then I was supplementing my drinking with activities. Then I was just drinking, with little interest in any activities.

When I quit absolutely nothing interested me. But that wasn't any different than before. I realize now that every waking moment was spent waiting to drink. And whatever activity I may have enjoyed wasn't enjoyed for its own sake. It was just a backdrop for my drinking. I wasn't the guy who drank all the time. But I was the guy who thought about drinking all the time. It was my reward for doing anything (or not doing anything). It was my only real joy.

Fast forward a few months, and for the first time in I can't remember when, I'm actually having FUN doing things for the sake of doing them! And no, it's not a poor substitute for drinking. I'm so much happier in my daily life & activities w/o alcohol it's shocking.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:51 PM
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Thanks. I guess I really just need some encouragement. Running 4 miles a day and reading the big book. AA meeting tonight at 8. I don't know. I just start thinking I don't want to do this anymore and when I think it, I mean it. I know I can do this, but my brain just wants to give up and say F*** it. I'll get through today, just like the past 13. Thanks again for all of the support.
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