Jolinda,
I'm sorry your family is being devastated by meth.
Your husband is a meth addict, and your oldest son (who has two children) is a meth addict, and your son's ex-wife is also a meth addict. Is that correct?
And your husband disappeared for two months on a meth binge then came back and told you your son and his two children had to move out?
And now it is just you and the boy, Jake?
I hope I have your story right. There are a lot of people in it to sort out.
When a child--any child--has a father who is an active drug addict, there is always only one choice for the mother. One choice, Jolinda.
The mother must remove the child from the father.The child must live in a drug-free home. And the child must have only supervised contact with the addict father, arranged legally, only with the approval of the court system.
You have a devastating choice but it cannot be avoided: as long as your husband is on meth, he must live apart from you and your boy.
If you do not protect your son from the meth addicts in your life, then you risk your son being removed from you for his own protection by the state.
If you do not protect your son from the meth addicts in your life, you risk your son being wounded or killed by a meth addict in a psychotic trance. A psychotic trance means the meth addict loses his mind completely. And he kills people because he thinks they are the enemy. Meth addicts kill their children when in a psychotic trance because they do not recognize their own children.
This is a terrible grief you feel about your husband, whom you love and want back as a husband. You knew him when he was a wonderful man and you long for that man who was once so fine.
But your husband has lost his soul to meth, has abandoned his family, and it is up to you to build a safe, loving, and drug-free home life for the boy still with you. You have no other choice.
You are not worthless. You did not cause this terrible situation. You did not cause addictive disease in your husband's brain and body. Meth controls him, he will not take care of anyone now, and this is not your fault.
Your husband did not abandon you because you became unlovable to him. Not at all. You are the same beautiful woman he fell in love with so many years ago. And if he were the same man today, without this brain disease, he would still be loving you every day and being a father to Jake. But he can't, Jolinda.
You must keep the boy safe. No matter how much your heart hurts. God has given you this child and it is your sacred responsibility to keep him safe.
Some meth addicts get clean and sober. But they have to do it away from their families. And they have to prove, for at least a year, that they are clean and sober, before they can be trusted.
Your husband needs treatment by professionals. You cannot treat him, you can do nothing for his addictive disease. Your job is to protect the boy. That is your only job.
If there is a Nar-Anon meeting in your town, go. If not, go to Al-Anon. Just Google those names plus the name of your state and you will find a meeting. At the meetings you will learn what to do in your marriage and for your son and for yourself. You will know you are not all alone.
Others here at SR will be along. It is late on a Sunday night. But there are people here at SR who know exactly what you are dealing with and they will share their stories with you.