Dear Dollydo,
Just wanted to let you know that I can relate.
My alcoholic father developed dementia in his later years. He needed to be placed in a facility that could help him with his daily life yet he had no money and I knew I didn't want him in my home (I couldn't of handled it emotionally and I didn't think it would have been safe/healthy for my children).
I spent months looking for a suitable housing arrangement. It was an extremely stressful time in my life.
When I finally got him to the place, he looked around and said that he didn't like it there and wanted to leave. I felt so defeated.
Had to leave him there though. There was nothing else I could do. I wished it could have been different, but how and where he ended up was due to a lifetime a bad choices made by him. There was nothing I could do to rewrite his history.
I left him and had to drive 5 hours home. After shedding a few tears, I remember telling my father's higher power that he was now in control. I visualized turning my father's complete care over to his HP and I finally felt at peace.
I'm hope that you find serenity and peace also.
A fellow retired soldier :-)
db