One less soldier...
I'm no angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
One less soldier...
Me, I have retired from active combat duty...
I have posted before about my alcoholic, nasty mother, it's not getting better, she is on a downward spiral and desending at lightening speed.
She is 86, still drinking, still demanding, still abusing her children and others. On April 11, she is departing to return to her home in N.C., she
has made it clear that she does not need me or my brother and that
she hates Florida, her place here and life itself.
Yesterday, she went crazy, yet again, I said goodbye to her for the last time, I am done, my brother is the last remaining soldier and he too is badly wounded by her actions and verbal abuse, I don't know how much further he can go with her either, but, that is his choice.
When she returns to N.C. she returns to an empty house, she has no friends, no family other than my brother that will talk to her, she, by choice, has alienated everyone. When I say choice, I mean that she never sought recovery, wouldn't get mental help councilling, thus to me,
it was her choice.
Whatever happens, happens, I, Private Dolly may have lost the battle, but I have won the war, I have fought long and hard to save someone who never wanted to be saved....as of yesterday, she is on her own. I
have officially retired and am looking forward to my future, my retirement!
I have posted before about my alcoholic, nasty mother, it's not getting better, she is on a downward spiral and desending at lightening speed.
She is 86, still drinking, still demanding, still abusing her children and others. On April 11, she is departing to return to her home in N.C., she
has made it clear that she does not need me or my brother and that
she hates Florida, her place here and life itself.
Yesterday, she went crazy, yet again, I said goodbye to her for the last time, I am done, my brother is the last remaining soldier and he too is badly wounded by her actions and verbal abuse, I don't know how much further he can go with her either, but, that is his choice.
When she returns to N.C. she returns to an empty house, she has no friends, no family other than my brother that will talk to her, she, by choice, has alienated everyone. When I say choice, I mean that she never sought recovery, wouldn't get mental help councilling, thus to me,
it was her choice.
Whatever happens, happens, I, Private Dolly may have lost the battle, but I have won the war, I have fought long and hard to save someone who never wanted to be saved....as of yesterday, she is on her own. I
have officially retired and am looking forward to my future, my retirement!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Hi the best to you on your Retirement.She ....your Mother seems to have Loads of Fight in her still for one So Old....I cant give advice as ACAs know Everything...lol....all I can say is my Mother was who she was...Not all Bad,She had her good Points.She came from a time that was Tough bringing up kids....Me as a Child Suffered the Consequances of her Addiction....and Family Dysfunction......I am now working on that In Aca.
I deep down loved my Mother....even in her sickness.
I hope I can change the attitudes /Traits ,i inherited that never worked in my life.
I lived in fear most of my Life.
The ACA problem was me to a tee...
I now have a Solution....
So I work it every day as Best as I can...Good LuckDolly
I deep down loved my Mother....even in her sickness.
I hope I can change the attitudes /Traits ,i inherited that never worked in my life.
I lived in fear most of my Life.
The ACA problem was me to a tee...
I now have a Solution....
So I work it every day as Best as I can...Good LuckDolly
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Brighton, UK
Posts: 164
we can help people as much as we can, but when it comes down to it, the only person that can help your mum is herself, its down to her, the penny will drop one day i hope but its gonna be no easy mission for her i know
theres a saying: To conquer ones self is a far greater victory than to conquer thousands in battle.... how very true!
regroup and try and be patient with her, and come from a place of guidance...guidance is the key, the penny will drop one day, best wishes
regards , from a british vet
theres a saying: To conquer ones self is a far greater victory than to conquer thousands in battle.... how very true!
regroup and try and be patient with her, and come from a place of guidance...guidance is the key, the penny will drop one day, best wishes
regards , from a british vet
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Wow, that's an amazing feeling isn't it? To back off, build your defenses and admit that it isn't your fight any more. I got to that point as well with my wife. I think the most shocking part of it for my was as I looked back over the battlefield I can now see the point where she switched from being an ally and actively worked to protect her addiction. Shame I didn't see it then.
Having been a Marine didn't help either. You know.the old "death before dishonor" and "no retreat no surrender" attitudes really didn't work all that well.
So for courage and commitment above and beyond the call of duty..(pins medal on Dolly)
So, as us jarheads say...Semper Fi.
Your friend,
Having been a Marine didn't help either. You know.the old "death before dishonor" and "no retreat no surrender" attitudes really didn't work all that well.
So for courage and commitment above and beyond the call of duty..(pins medal on Dolly)
So, as us jarheads say...Semper Fi.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 456
Dear Dollydo,
Just wanted to let you know that I can relate.
My alcoholic father developed dementia in his later years. He needed to be placed in a facility that could help him with his daily life yet he had no money and I knew I didn't want him in my home (I couldn't of handled it emotionally and I didn't think it would have been safe/healthy for my children).
I spent months looking for a suitable housing arrangement. It was an extremely stressful time in my life.
When I finally got him to the place, he looked around and said that he didn't like it there and wanted to leave. I felt so defeated.
Had to leave him there though. There was nothing else I could do. I wished it could have been different, but how and where he ended up was due to a lifetime a bad choices made by him. There was nothing I could do to rewrite his history.
I left him and had to drive 5 hours home. After shedding a few tears, I remember telling my father's higher power that he was now in control. I visualized turning my father's complete care over to his HP and I finally felt at peace.
I'm hope that you find serenity and peace also.
A fellow retired soldier :-)
db
Just wanted to let you know that I can relate.
My alcoholic father developed dementia in his later years. He needed to be placed in a facility that could help him with his daily life yet he had no money and I knew I didn't want him in my home (I couldn't of handled it emotionally and I didn't think it would have been safe/healthy for my children).
I spent months looking for a suitable housing arrangement. It was an extremely stressful time in my life.
When I finally got him to the place, he looked around and said that he didn't like it there and wanted to leave. I felt so defeated.
Had to leave him there though. There was nothing else I could do. I wished it could have been different, but how and where he ended up was due to a lifetime a bad choices made by him. There was nothing I could do to rewrite his history.
I left him and had to drive 5 hours home. After shedding a few tears, I remember telling my father's higher power that he was now in control. I visualized turning my father's complete care over to his HP and I finally felt at peace.
I'm hope that you find serenity and peace also.
A fellow retired soldier :-)
db
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