Thanks, Kilaua.
My husband and I just had a big blowout over this, and his perspective is that, because my BIL and his wife are separating, my niece requires more attention and time with my MIL, as my BIL is living with her.
This does make sense to a degree, but I have my doubts about the nature of *why* my MIL feels the need to step up so exhaustingly with the care of my niece. I don't know what the actual dynamics are in my niece's home with her mother, but it doesn't seem so unhealthy that it requires my MIL to put herself in such a martyr position with my niece and BIL.
It's a judgment on my part, and really none of my business when it comes down to it, but it seems logical that it would be healthier for everyone if my MIL only watched my niece on Sundays, and my BIL could stay home with her on Mondays and Tuesdays.
MIL's absurdly codependent behavior and willingness to mainly only help those who are in catastrophic situations can be infuriating to me, as someone who is not constantly in the midst of a crisis.
Again, it's a judgement on my part, but it has always seemed to me that my MIL might almost feel threatened by people who aren't living their lives at some sort of rock bottom, and thus those of us who are not living that way don't get the same level of acceptance or help.
There is no doubt in my mind that if my husband and I were having some sort of major catastrophe, my MIL would help us. But that has been raising red flags for me for a while now, as "family" shouldn't have to meet a requirement of being at rock bottom in order to receive basic help like babysitting once in a while.
Anyway, I'm sure there are two sides to be looked at, and unhealthy behavior all across the board, but I wish I could talk to my husband about my frustrations without causing an argument and dealing with him defending his mother as if she's some sort of flawless saint.
I don't know how you did it without any help raising your daughter! I suppose if we lived in a bigger space, things like cleaning and taking personal time would be a lot easier, as my son would have his own room to take naps in, etc., but until we find a house his crib is in the living room, and it makes getting things done really difficult!
Thanks for responding, and for being here for me. I really need to vent about this, and come to a level of sanity and acceptance with it.
