When my son was using again I knew, I could tell by how he looked, sounded, and acted while high, coming down, and in withdrawals. Even when he texted me, I could usually tell which phase he was in by what he said. I also argued with him when I saw this guy on the caller ID that I knew was a drug supplier for him; of course he has no clue why he was calling. When I thought something was shady my son would turn it around and tell me what a bad mother I was and I made him feel like a piece of sh*t. It is different because he is my son, but patterns of addicts and codies are similar. I know it is frustrating for you and you want to know for sure in order to get closure, but this man may never give you that dignity. If I were you I would not think for a minute that if you only didn’t get upset about the call things would be different. Trust your gut.
For closure,
Maybe you could write a letter to your ex, fully telling him how you feel, writing your feelings over the period of a few days or however long you want to take, and make it as long as you want. Then you can send it or not. Maybe that would help as far as getting closure.
I am glad you had a good healing cry, there will probably a few more of those, but like you said it’s a good thing and good for you that you did try to call him. This will lead to more pain.
I know that the sunshine will burn off that fog in time, and someday you will be in a happy relationship that you will appreciate all the more. This experience, no doubt, will change you forever.
“It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.” ~ Anonymous.